Tag Archives: Relationships

Within Every Girl Is A Great Power, Waiting For These Words To Be Unleashed…

In animated TV shows

A girl will find a magic thing

And say a word like “Fairy glows”

And the world around her blooms and sings

And rainbows fly around her while

Her outfit morphs, her hair grows long,

And she becomes “Power Angel Smile”,

As beautiful as she is strong.

Armed with justice, power, and grace

She slays all who her oppose.

Who can stop her and erase

Her magic power? No one knows!

If you would see this transformation

And a woman gain this deadly crown

Just say “Babe, for your information

“You’re overreacting. Just calm down.”

This, but angry…

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Relationship Goals

Y=X*0

Is a great mathematical hero

Because it refrains from doing crime

Despite running into its X literally all the time.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

There May Also Be Breeding Involved…

There once was a digital horse

Who ran with electrical force.

It’s in my girlfriend’s phone

And now I’m alone

‘Cause she’s busy racing, of course!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Weird But True

My wife thinks I am a spider

And I think she may be right

Because both I and a spider

Make her scream at night.

My wife reminds me of a Nickelback

CD that I play. It

Makes a noise I quite enjoy

Although I’d never publicly say it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Yet Another Tinder Success

She was skinnier than the toilet paper

They gave me in the slammer.

Her favorite flavor of potato chip

Was probably “Arm and Hammer.”

She weighs 90 pounds in flip-flops

And half as much without

And her hair was like the love child

Of silly string and sauerkraut.

When I picked her up at 7:00

I mistook her for her Pomeranian.

Turns out she was trilingual:

English, Klingon, and Albanian.

We went to see a movie:

“Alvin the Chipmunk meets Baby Shark.”

I’m not saying I’m desperate

But I think I felt a spark!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Happy Birthday Becky!

Today’s my lady’s birthday

(And this time it’s not my mom).

She’s redheaded and pretty

And I think she is the bomb.

She kicks my butt at Mario Kart

And grabs my butt covertly

And when anybody speaks ill of her

I tell them off quite curtly.

She’s 25 years old today

And full of fun and grace

And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar

And kiss her adorable face

And then, dear reader, after dark

We’ll do our favorite things. An

Act of love and passion

By which I mean play Wingspan.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

My Fiancee Made Me Watch A Barbie Movie

There once was a prince named Stefon

Who met a fantabulous blon

De girl with long hair

And there was love everywhere

And oh god, please rescue me! I’ve made a terrible mistake! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable

There once was a beloved cat

Who thought it appropriate that

In a moment of passion

It would be in fashion

To smother my face with its fat.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Betting On A Diamond

You couldn’t love a gambling man,

A pal who plays the odds,

Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench

In the plans of man and Gods.

You said you’d never take a chance

On a poker-faced son

But I’d bet if you took a chance

You’d find me pretty fun.

You used to ace your math exams.

You were the queen of school

But the odds weren’t in your favor

With Jack, the king of cool.

Jack would have told you “yes, of course”

If you asked him to dance

But no-go there! You didn’t dare

To take this simple chance.

So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight

So let me take the shot:

If you give me your hand of fate

You may just win a lot.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems

Somewhere In California

My man bought a Tesla

Which would normally be fun

But it came with a purse

And his hair’s now a bun.

I told him I liked him

Because he was manly.

Now he’s leaving me

For his old roommate, Stanley.

Leave a comment

Filed under Poems