My magic thunder doggy
Killed my fiancee’s fairy horse.
Yes, she played Pokemon with me.
Yes, we’re headed for divorce.
Tag Archives: Relationships
Within Every Girl Is A Great Power, Waiting For These Words To Be Unleashed…
In animated TV shows
A girl will find a magic thing
And say a word like “Fairy glows”
And the world around her blooms and sings
And rainbows fly around her while
Her outfit morphs, her hair grows long,
And she becomes “Power Angel Smile”,
As beautiful as she is strong.
Armed with justice, power, and grace
She slays all who her oppose.
Who can stop her and erase
Her magic power? No one knows!
If you would see this transformation
And a woman gain this deadly crown
Just say “Babe, for your information
“You’re overreacting. Just calm down.”
Filed under Poems
Relationship Goals
Y=X*0
Is a great mathematical hero
Because it refrains from doing crime
Despite running into its X literally all the time.
Filed under Poems
There May Also Be Breeding Involved…
There once was a digital horse
Who ran with electrical force.
It’s in my girlfriend’s phone
And now I’m alone
‘Cause she’s busy racing, of course!
Filed under Poems
Weird But True
My wife thinks I am a spider
And I think she may be right
Because both I and a spider
Make her scream at night.
My wife reminds me of a Nickelback
CD that I play. It
Makes a noise I quite enjoy
Although I’d never publicly say it.
Filed under Poems
Yet Another Tinder Success
She was skinnier than the toilet paper
They gave me in the slammer.
Her favorite flavor of potato chip
Was probably “Arm and Hammer.”
She weighs 90 pounds in flip-flops
And half as much without
And her hair was like the love child
Of silly string and sauerkraut.
When I picked her up at 7:00
I mistook her for her Pomeranian.
Turns out she was trilingual:
English, Klingon, and Albanian.
We went to see a movie:
“Alvin the Chipmunk meets Baby Shark.”
I’m not saying I’m desperate
But I think I felt a spark!
Filed under Poems
Happy Birthday Becky!
Today’s my lady’s birthday
(And this time it’s not my mom).
She’s redheaded and pretty
And I think she is the bomb.
She kicks my butt at Mario Kart
And grabs my butt covertly
And when anybody speaks ill of her
I tell them off quite curtly.
She’s 25 years old today
And full of fun and grace
And I’m going to feed her lots of sugar
And kiss her adorable face
And then, dear reader, after dark
We’ll do our favorite things. An
Act of love and passion
By which I mean play Wingspan.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, His Timing Was Impeccable
There once was a beloved cat
Who thought it appropriate that
In a moment of passion
It would be in fashion
To smother my face with its fat.
Filed under Poems
Betting On A Diamond
You couldn’t love a gambling man,
A pal who plays the odds,
Who shakes the dice and throws a wrench
In the plans of man and Gods.
You said you’d never take a chance
On a poker-faced son
But I’d bet if you took a chance
You’d find me pretty fun.
You used to ace your math exams.
You were the queen of school
But the odds weren’t in your favor
With Jack, the king of cool.
Jack would have told you “yes, of course”
If you asked him to dance
But no-go there! You didn’t dare
To take this simple chance.
So Jack’s bad luck’s my inside straight
So let me take the shot:
If you give me your hand of fate
You may just win a lot.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 