All-purpose is white.
Whole wheat is gray.
I misspelled “flower”
But kept writing anyway.
Tag Archives: Short
Because I’m An A**hole, And Also I Just Saved You Six Hours of Movies
If I got a degree in nursin’
And saw a patient starting to worsen
I’d say “Hey man, you’re dead
“And Rosebud is a sled
“And you and Tyler are the same person.”
Filed under Poems
And Why Hasn’t Japan Followed Suit?
Sometimes I watch the Stars and Stripes,
The symbol of American rule of law
And wonder who first thought “Hey!
“That would look good as a bra!”
Filed under Poems
Size Matters
Bigger is better in terms of pianos,
4×4’s, salaries, and dicks.
But smaller is better in the eyes of go-getters
When it comes to the waist size of chicks.
——————————————————–
Bigger is better, the man would insist
When it comes to masculine stuff
Because those said men have never had things
That were, in our eyes, big enough.
Filed under Poems
Meanwhile Someone Is Eating Water And Watching Their IQ Rise
The roses are dead.
The violets are too.
Someone swapped the water
With adhesive glue.
Filed under Poems
Irony Is Also Human…
Poems are like people
By which I mean to say
Occasionally you laugh at them
But also wish they’d go away.
Filed under Poems
The Problem With Quotes
Just because a wise man said it
Doesn’t make it wise.
A wise man says “No bacon for me,”
But, plot twist! He eventually dies.
Filed under Poems
100% True
This poem is like
A blue-footed booby:
It makes some people laugh
And won’t have any significant impact on your life…
Shadooby.
Filed under Poems
But People With Pet Spiders…
If you have a snake for a pet
I think it’s a pretty safe bet
That you have one or two kidneys.
You thought this would end differently?
How judgmental can you get?
Filed under Poems
Sarsaparilla Is Southern After All…
I opened a bottle of root beer
And smiled at the sweetness and fizz.
You probably don’t think that sounds racist
But I’m white, so it probably is.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 