I think when you turn 40
You get a superpower
To make any food into a salad.
But when you’re 45
The option to use vegetables
Besides celery suddenly becomes invalid.
Tag Archives: Short
Diamonds Are Forever… Like Taxes
“Nothing gold can stay“
Is another way to say
If you’re male and not gay
You’re gonna have to pay.
Filed under Poems
Meaning? Maybe. Rhymes? Absolutely!
There once was a dame with no name
Who spent days playing a lame game.
Her tame claim to fame came
When her aim to blame the same game
Overcame her shame of being no-name.
Filed under Poems
Also, Unpaid Overtime!
Getting a promotion
Is a matter of pretending
That you listen to that guy
At weekly meetings never-ending.
Your reward for your attention
Is a minor bump in pay
And the new and useful privilege
Of having meetings every day.
Filed under Poems
Guess Which One Every ****ing Driver Picked Today, Apparently?
I am driving down the street
In two-thousand pounds of speeding death.
I can watch the road ahead
Or answer a text from my buddy, Seth.
Filed under Poems
What To Do After You’re Elected To Public Office
If at first you don’t succeed
Succumb to existential greed
And steal from folks for their own good
And then claim you’re misunderstood.
Filed under Poems
Songwriting Tip #5678
If your chorus is just one sentence
Repeated exactly four times
That song isn’t actually music
And one day you’ll pay for your crimes.
Filed under Poems
Mini Golf, Level 100
Eighteen times we swung our putters.
Eighteen times a whole in one.
Some people started at the green
But starting at the hole is way more fun.
Filed under Poems
Remember This In The Pandemic Of 2119
If instead of wearing masks
And going to school and work online
We had just put on some badass capes
The kids would all be fine.
Filed under Poems
My Conversation Tomorrow After I Get To Work With Two Hours Of Sleep
D and D went long.
We were fighting evil frogs!
What do you mean, “Nerd”?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 