To all of you who laughed at me
When I said “Dragons are real”
I present you: California.
Now how do you feel?
Tag Archives: Short
I’m Doing My Part
With the recent rise of terrorism
And assassination attempts, please
Remember it was Robert Selander (Mastercard CEO)
Who invented “Convenience Fees”.
Filed under Poems
Honest Resolutions
This year was wild and crazy
And I was indulgent and lazy.
This year I’ll endeavor
To sleep more than ever
And get rich like Martin Scorsese.
Filed under Poems
We’ll Start Next Year
Two days left to go
Of this wild and crazy year…
Peaceful at the gym
Filed under Poems
That’s Why They Have You Beet…
There once were some people with torches
Who sat upon their front porches
And cried “People with pitchforks
“Are evil and rich dorks”
While the real evil people ate bortsch.
Filed under Poems
My Reincarnation Of Choice
One person’s trash is another man’s treasure
Which is why every single raccoon
Is living the life with their hot raccoon wife
As a billionaire garbage tycoon.
Filed under Poems
Unlock Next Year’s Poem For $99.99/Month (50% Off)?
I had a lovely afternoon
About which you’ll never hear
Because I’m saving the clever poems
For probably sometime next year.
Filed under Poems
Happy Solstice
Shortest day of year
Then Grandma says “anal cyst”
Feels much longer now
Filed under Poems
A Limerick Reflecting On Labor And One’s Ephemeral Separation Therefrom On The Occasion Of A Holiday
There once was a break in my work
When I didn’t have to go to work
And my days had no work
And the absence of work
Was accentuated by not going to work.
Filed under Poems
I Used To Dress Up Like Grandma… Now I Save Other Animals From My Mistake
The big bad wolf went down to the coop
Where the farmer said “There’s 38 genders.”
The wolf ain’t ate no chickens so far
But he ate the chicken tenders.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 