Today, when I was peeing
And pondering my existence,
I realized I hadn’t thought about sex in 24 hours.
What I was suddenly seeing
Was not some great resistance
But the fact that Magic: The Gathering has given me superpowers.
Tag Archives: Short
Identification Complete
There once was a UFO
That crashed in New Mexico.
People there made contact
And now it’s a fact
That it’s now nothing more than an O.
Filed under Poems
Wicked: The Clinton/Harris Story
It’s not that we don’t want a woman
As president of the USA…
It’s that our two female options so far
Would get melted by water. Ok?
Filed under Poems
See Also: Halo
If your Catholic parents are angry
That you play video games
Just tell them you’re playing “Mass Effect”
Then you can be the one who blames.
Filed under Poems
All According To Plan…
I forgot to write tonight
So I type as I brush my teeth.
If I don’t finish quickly
There’s no telling what
Filed under Poems
Indie vs. Classic
Some people write songs that span verses
With reference to literary curses.
Some people write “Born in the USA”
On a napkin, then call it a day.
Filed under Poems
In The Beginning
Apple sent me their terms and conditions
But my wife said “You don’t have to read it.”
So I listened to my wife
And now my eternal life…
Well, turns out I have to concede it.
Filed under Poems
Does That Make Me A Hipster?
We’ve invented machines to play games
That run at 60 frames
Every second, but I
Prefer to play my
Pinball machine with the flames.
Filed under Poems
If At First You Don’t Succeed…
There twice was an unlikeable chick
Who expressed her detractors were “Ick”.
She lost to a man
With a very fake tan
And I’m not opposed to the schtick.
Filed under Poems
What Really Matters
‘Teas the night of the election
And all round the world
All the people were asking
“Why’d they kill the poor squirrel?”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 