If a “house plant” is a thing
A “home tree” should be too,
As should a “duplex flower”
And “skyscraper bamboo.”
But perhaps my favorite combo
(The others are still great though)
Is either “Airbnb broccoli”
Or else “hovel tomato”.
Tag Archives: Silly
On “Inciting Incidents”(Bonus Points If It Involves A Historical Artifact)
It doesn’t require much talent to be famous.
There really is near nothing to it
As long as you don’t care what they name us
And don’t care if you need to live through it.
Filed under Poems
Are You A Bard? ‘Cause You Just Rolled A 20 For Seduction
I love you like a gelatinous cube.
I want to consume you completely
And make your all tingly with plenty of lube
When we meet in my dungeon discretely.
I’ve plenty of jewelry to give you
If you’ll just reach inside me and take it
And after my acid has burned you
We’ll forever be one (and be naked).
Yes, I move slowly, I’m squishy,
And I’ll even confess I’m a square
But although I am not the most dishy
I’ll listen to you ‘cause I care.
I’m made of a most caustic acid
And I’m more than a trifle transparent
But I’m seldom, if ever, found flaccid
And I just want to make it apparent
That I love you like a gelatinous cube and
My heart only has one endeavor:
I want to take you by your cute hand
And be with you now and forever.
Filed under Poems
When Your Wife Meets The Minotaur And Has To Give Birth In An Echoey Cave
Mary had a little lamb
Little lamb
Little lamb…
Mary had a little lamb
And the obstetrician fainted
Fainted
Fainted…
Filed under Poems
The D&D Flowchart
If at first you don’t succeed
You may find wit is what you need;
If your wit should fail, then try
To punch your foe into the sky;
If the sky is far or your muscles weak
With silver tongue you next must speak;
And should you speak as does this poet
Conjure a fireball and throw it.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, In Their Parents’ Basement, Is An Overworked Game Designer Making Voting Machines
In every Pokemon game
The story is the same.
In Zelda, the main canon
Is the bad guy’s always Ganon.
So if you say that Russia
Is rigging elections, I’ll shush ya
‘Cause if anybody can
I’d guess the culprit is Japan.
Filed under Poems
Classic Literature
Of all the editors who ever were
One doesn’t get enough credit:
Somebody read “69,046.767 miles under the sea” And asked “have you heard of a league?”
(The other editors never read it)
Filed under Poems
Dear Christians… There Is Only One
Let me introduce myself:
My name is Danny Michael.
I’m a circus performer
And I ride the unicycle.
I’m glad you guys are happy
But imagine how you’d feel
If you were me, and you kept telling
Jesus to take the wheel…
Filed under Poems
Everything Else Signifies Subtle Loathing
If your cat attacks you
It means he wants your love.
So does meowing, purring,
And leaping on you from above.
But if your cat ignores you
And poops in the flower bed
It means “Yeah sure, I love you
“But don’t let it go to your head.”
Filed under Poems
Is There A Saint Dick Or A Saint Mickey As Well?
I am the type of person
Who will see the pearly gates
And confess all my discretions
Where redemption thus awaits
Until forward steps St. Peter
And unto me he does declare
“I am Peter”, and I giggle
And am promptly sent “down there”.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 