Bob and Jim were terrorists
With three-ounce bottles of shampoo.
Steve and Josh were anarchists
And they each had some shampoo too.
They made a bomb to kill some folks
By pooling all of their shampoo
And they would have succeeded
If Dan, with the nail clippers, had gotten through.
Filed under Poems
I wonder if the guidance counselor
At Hitler’s Alma Mater
Told him to “Just be yourself”
And then regretted it later.
Filed under Poems
Number one is what ambitious people want to be.
Number two is what you do when you don’t have to pee.
Number three’s a dream for men (if you know what I mean)
And four-point-oh’s the GPA of those who know the dean.
Five star restaurants are nice; Motel 6 is not.
If your girl’s a seven or an eight she’s pretty hot.
Nine’s the biggest number with one digit, that is true.
And ten means that non-Nabokovs think she’s too young to do.
I could do eleven, even twelve and then thirteen
But already the gimmick of the poem’s growing lean
So I will end it with a number that is really fine:
Seventy! (The number that comes after sixty-nine).
Filed under Poems
If you want to see if someone
Is a masterful debater
Just ask them “Why do asteroids
“Always land within a crater?”
Filed under Poems
I wonder if the island folks,
The island dames and island blokes,
Get upset when coconuts
Breastfeed their kids out of their cocohuts.
Yes, I’m tired. Liking my posts helps me sleep. You know you want to…
Filed under Poems
Hollywood makes movies,
Then they make sequels,
Then they remake them,
And then they make prequels.
That’s how it goes
According to me
So here are some prequels
That I’d like to see:
Schindler’s College-Ruled Notebook;
Leon: The Trainee;
The Lambs Being Noisy;
American History V;
Reservoir Puppies;
Work-Visa Kane:
Wall-D; The Fifth Sense;
Wayne’s Global-Domination Campaign;
The Accelerating and Cranky;
“No Thanks, I Just Ate” Games;
Dragon Ball Y;
“No Bail For Me” James;
2000: Just Earth;
And last but not least:
“Be-Careful-Who-You-Call-Ugly-In-Middle-School” and the Beast.
Filed under Poems
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……………………Oh, you mean out loud?
Filed under Poems
If all white people are racists
And support the KKK
It makes me see Hagrid
In an entirely new way.
Filed under Poems
When a man has nothing to say
He waits in silence for the silence to end.
When a girl I like has nothing to say
She says “That’s so nice, but I have a boyfriend.”
Filed under Poems
They say you can spot a killer
Or persons of criminal ilk
By offering them cocoa puffs.
(Run if they pour out the milk).
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 