Onions are the only things
That make their murderers cry.
We should all wear clothes made of onions
And all murder would go bye-bye.
Tag Archives: Silly
The Occult Circa 2019
If you give a million tiny dollars
To a your own voodoo doll
Do you get full sized money?
To try, give me a call!
Filed under Poems
Dialects
In America we spell “color;”
In the UK it is “colour” with a U.
In America it’s “blue”
InFrance it is “bleu.”
In America it’s “Hell;”
In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”
In America it’s “yay;”
In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”
Filed under Poems
The Other Primary Color
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
And yellow’s just like
“Wut dawg? U trippin’ bro?
“Violets are fuckin’ purple,
“And just ’cause I don’t rhyme easily
“Y’all just acting like dandelions and sunflowers and poppies and buttercups and, oh yeah yellow roses, don’t exist?
“Naw dawg, whatever. I’m out.”
Filed under Poems
Double Standard Alert!
If a woman sleeps with 20 men
She’s empowered, so that’s okay,
Yet if I sleep with 20 men
Somehow that makes me gay?
Filed under Poems
Jesus Bought The DLC
I think that when you die
You just wake up in a dark room
And someone tells you
“Your free trial of Life has expired”
And you have to make a new email address
‘Cause you’re poor.
Filed under Poems
It’s Only Right You Suffer For My Mistakes
Yesterday I wrote two poems.
I feel like a dunce.
I meant one to be published tomorrow (today?)
But it got published at once.
Because of my mistake that day
You must hear me now annunc…
Iate. Yes, this poem is pointless
And every other line rhymes with “grunce.”
Filed under Poems
The Hero We Deserve
I hope somewhere there is a bat
Who’s terrified of men
Who flew off to train with ninjas
And (insert syllables here) then
He became a vigilante
Fighting crime and stuff like that.
He holes up in his man cave
Because he’s called Manbat.
He wears a man-shaped costume
With a cape that’s shaped like fat.
The drives his manmobile badly
Because he is a bat.
I want this very badly
Mostly ’cause of the “man cave” pun.
His sidekick is called Flamingo
And yes, this poem is done.
Filed under Poems
Pictionary
I drew a little stickman
Sitting in a tree
Holding a banana
And my friend said “Chimpanzee.”
I made the stickman hairier
And made his muscles big
And made his nose look stubby
And my friend said “Chimpanzee?”
I made stickman hold a lady
And stand on a skyscraper
And the light in my friend’s eyes turned on
And he said “Big chimpanzee.”
Then I pointed at the picture
And gestured for a while,
Drew the same picture again
And my friend began to smile
And as the sand fell from the timer
He sat up straight and tall
And said “That is Godzilla,”
So I threw him through a wall.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 