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Tag Archives: Silly
Announcing the Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good” Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably)
Today I socialized again.
It’s becoming a bad habit…
Anyway, my friend and reader said
My opinion towards chickens is “stab it.”
I’ve written about chickens for dinner
And, yesterday, going to Hell.
All in all my poems about chickens
Do not treat them very well.
I wanted to amend my cruelty
Towards our egg-laying kin
And so I announce a contest
That upon this fine day shall begin!
Now a good contest must have a theme
And should recur on an oft-scheduled basis
And feature many a viewpoint
And not force the victor into cryogenic stasis.
My contest achieves all of these goals
And here’s what the contest is called:
The Semi-Bicentennial “Chickens Are Good”
Bad Poetry Contest That Will Not Make You Bald (Probably).
I’m seeking submissions from readers,
From other poets, artists, and guests
On the topic of the glories of chickens
And of a quality that won’t get an A on tests.
So comment your dubious poetry
About the glory of hens and of cocks.
Just comment them on this announcement
And just make sure that none of them rocks.
I look forward to reading your poems
And the chickens most likely do not
Because they’re illiterate morons.
(Now’s your chance to prove that they’re not)!
Filed under Poems, To the Reader
Rental Property In A College Town
So you’re in need of housing
And you’re the budget-concious type, right?
Well I’ve got an arrangement
That will surely have you swipe right!
Now, first impressions matter
But second chances matter more
So don’t pass too harsh a judgement
Just ’cause it doesn’t have a door.
The walls have unique colors
But all’s not what it seems.
Some folks don’t think it looks at all
Like puke and shattered dreams.
If you’re one who likes hunting
But like to stay inside the walls
You can satisfy both longings
With wild game that roams the halls.
When it rains you won’t need faucets.
When its hot a breeze comes in.
When it’s cold you’ll make a fire,
Which in my book is a win.
So if your shattered ego
Is numb enough to stay
You’ll get the cheapest rent in town:
A thousand bucks a day!
Filed under Poems
Involuntary Green Party Inductees Share Their Stories
Clumps of verdant
Pungent green,
Thicker than
I’ve ever seen.
Green as moss
In the city park,
Thick and tough
As cedar bark.
Tufts of emerald
Large as deer,
As far as you
Can see and hear.
Aromatic green
As wide as can be…
I only can wonder
Why it’s growing on me.
Filed under Poems
The Water-Carrier’s Son
If your life is a “1” out right now
When you’re dead it might be a “10,”
Like the ancient Greek guy, Thermos,
Who’s laughing his ass to death again.
Filed under Poems
Fortune and Glory
I wish I had a job
Like Indiana Jones
Where I could make good money
Examining human bones.
But Dr. Jones’s job
Is great in other ways
Like the fact he has no limit
To his paid vacation days.
I’m not an archaeologist
But a poet and musician,
And as I write I realize
I am in a position
To take endless vacation days
Like Dr. Jones would do.
“Travis T. and the Crystal Skull”
Coming soon to theatres near you.
Filed under Poems
The Splatterpainted-Red-Canvas of Poetry, Expressed Through The Mediums of Brownish Colors, [Theoretically] Edible Birds, and Leavened Grain Objects, Vol.13, AKA Sundays
Beige chicken wonder bread!
Boredom flowing through my head.
Tan turkey whole wheat toast!
Today’s a better day than most.
Brown ostriche gluten free!
That’s a day that’s right for me.
Ochre phoenix sourdough!
Now it’s time for me to go.
(Semi-related food for thought: what would happen if you ate a phoenix)?
Filed under Poems
Weird Bob Gets Dumped
Fish don’t sweat
And cars don’t bleed.
Plants don’t poop
And dogs don’t read.
Knives don’t smile
And rocks don’t get lither.
Why should she care
If I don’t do that stuff either?
Filed under Poems
What Is Humor?
The quality of being amusing,
A mood or state of mind,
To comply with someone’s wishes
Or, to kids, the word “behind.”
Filed under Poems
Suffice To Say The Narrator Is Not A Philanthropist, AKA Can I Get This On A T-Shirt Please?
Like a church without a steeple,
A Costco that’s not full of people,
A girl who doesn’t like a bunny
Or a kid who thinks fart jokes aren’t funny,
Like a bracelet without a clasp,
A crossword puzzle without the word “asp,”
Like warm fresh bread without the yeast
Or cannibals who never feast,
Like raindrops falling with the snow
Or a hallmark card by Edgar Alan Poe,
Like a duck that only sinks
Or someone driving behind you that thinks,
Like a straight man enjoying “Magic Mike,”
Someone else’s chihuahua that people like,
A University that welcomes drop-ins,
Or “Liam Neeson stars as Mary Poppins.”
These are things that don’t exist,
That can’t be seen and won’t be missed.
They are like what you’ll become
If you ask me for money, Mr. Bum.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 