I think instead of IMDB
Or Rotten Tomatoes reviews
We just need a site to completely compile
Liberal white women’s reviews.
Then you can see which films don’t appeal
To Karen and Kaitlyn and co.
That would inform me much more directly
If a film will be funny or no.
Filed under Poems
‘Twas the Fifth of July
And all through the room
People were sleepy
From lots of boom boom.
But we can take solace
As tinnitus lingers:
The worst of our neighbors
Now have but nine fingers.
Filed under Poems
A is for Antelope, which isn’t a deer.
B is for Babirusa, which isn’t a pig.
C is for Capybara, an animal I hear
Was the largest of rodents ‘til your kid did appear.
D is for Dumbo Octopus, a name that fits you.
E is for Echidna, which I wish your wife said.
F is for Frigatebird, which sounds much akin
To what I wish to say unto you and your kin.
G is for Gerenuk, which is also not a deer.
H is for a place where you might disappear.
I am now leaving to go do my job
And I bid good day to you and your blob.
Filed under Poems
Roses are red.
Vegans are pale.
When they read my blog in 10 years
They’ll probably put me in jail.
Filed under Poems
Meet Vlad.
Vlad is sad.
Vlad thinks climate change is bad.
Vlad cannot cite sources? Woah!
But xe’s doing xir best though.
Vlad knows that to stop the pain
Of having marginally less rain
Because of heat that cow fart brings
Means having to do some painful things.
Vlad helps Earth by blocking cars
And hanging flyers up at bars.
Xe spray paints slogans over art
And lives out of a shopping cart.
Xe knows capitalism is bad.
And so is having a present dad.
Be like Vlad and we’ll show you lenience:
The climate depends on your inconvenience.
Filed under Poems
What type of Youtube watcher are you?
The type who watches that Indian dude?
Maybe the type who react to the trends
Or enjoys watching guys give cash to their friends?
Maybe you watch it for voice-to-text vids
Or use it to sedate your satanic kids?
If none of these channels tickles your tubes
Let me suggest another one – Boobs.
Filed under Poems
I get that without spiders
Other bugs would be more numerous,
But I still find it sorta said
And even moreso humorous
That despite there being webs everywhere
The bugs are still voluminous.
This is the dilemma of our time
And a cornerstone of humanness.
Filed under Poems
In four more days the day will be
The longest of the year.
Today it’s fifty-eight outside
And I’m grinning ear to ear
‘Cause this means all our efforts
In the global warming fight
Have paid off, and we can repeal
The carbon tax now, right?
Filed under Poems
If we’re forgiving student loans
I think we should consider
Just forgiving all debt ever.
Also, the getter-ridder
Should make everything be free
So everyone is wealthy!
Then we can sail our yachts and talk
About why the economy isn’t healthy.
Filed under Poems
I want to hire a deaf guy
To go to Olive Garden, where a
Waiter will grate a block of cheese
Onto his pasta marinara
And when the waiter asks “enough”
The deaf guy will stay quiet.
This is a lifelong dream of mine…
Know any deaf folks who would try it?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 