Tag Archives: Stupid

The Zookeeper Writes An Honest Children’s Book

A is for Antelope, which isn’t a deer.

B is for Babirusa, which isn’t a pig.

C is for Capybara, an animal I hear

Was the largest of rodents ‘til your kid did appear.

D is for Dumbo Octopus, a name that fits you.

E is for Echidna, which I wish your wife said.

F is for Frigatebird, which sounds much akin

To what I wish to say unto you and your kin.

G is for Gerenuk, which is also not a deer.

H is for a place where you might disappear.

I am now leaving to go do my job

And I bid good day to you and your blob.

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Am I Sexy And Dangerous Now?

Roses are red.

Vegans are pale.

When they read my blog in 10 years

They’ll probably put me in jail.

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What Do You Mean We Have Weird Books In Our School Libraries?

Meet Vlad.

Vlad is sad.

Vlad thinks climate change is bad.

Vlad cannot cite sources? Woah!

But xe’s doing xir best though.

Vlad knows that to stop the pain

Of having marginally less rain

Because of heat that cow fart brings

Means having to do some painful things.

Vlad helps Earth by blocking cars

And hanging flyers up at bars.

Xe spray paints slogans over art

And lives out of a shopping cart.

Xe knows capitalism is bad.

And so is having a present dad.

Be like Vlad and we’ll show you lenience:

The climate depends on your inconvenience.

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I Think I Covered The Big Ones…

What type of Youtube watcher are you?

The type who watches that Indian dude?

Maybe the type who react to the trends

Or enjoys watching guys give cash to their friends?

Maybe you watch it for voice-to-text vids

Or use it to sedate your satanic kids?

If none of these channels tickles your tubes

Let me suggest another one – Boobs.

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Do Your Job!

I get that without spiders

Other bugs would be more numerous,

But I still find it sorta said

And even moreso humorous

That despite there being webs everywhere

The bugs are still voluminous.

This is the dilemma of our time

And a cornerstone of humanness.

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If Only The Sea Level Could Rise Above Washington DC

In four more days the day will be

The longest of the year.

Today it’s fifty-eight outside

And I’m grinning ear to ear

‘Cause this means all our efforts

In the global warming fight

Have paid off, and we can repeal

The carbon tax now, right?

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They Did This… Just Not For Us

If we’re forgiving student loans

I think we should consider

Just forgiving all debt ever.

Also, the getter-ridder

Should make everything be free

So everyone is wealthy!

Then we can sail our yachts and talk

About why the economy isn’t healthy.

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This Is How YouTube Channels Start…

I want to hire a deaf guy

To go to Olive Garden, where a

Waiter will grate a block of cheese

Onto his pasta marinara

And when the waiter asks “enough”

The deaf guy will stay quiet.

This is a lifelong dream of mine…

Know any deaf folks who would try it?

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Deleted Scenes From Genesis

And the Lord said unto women:

Unto the lake you’ll goeth swimmin’

And the men will paint you and make art.

And the Lord said unto men:

Here’s a paper and pen.

Also, laugh every time you say “fart.”

***

John begat Jonah

And Jonah begat Josh

And Josh begat Evan

Who said “Oh my gosh

“My name is, like, Eve now

“And I’m not one of you men.”

And thus God prepared

For a flood once again.

***

In the beginning

There were two Gods above,

All powerful beings

And madly in love.

One God said, “Oh other God

“I’m pregnant with Earth.”

Other God said “We’re out of milk.

“See ya after the birth!”

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But They Gave You Two Choices!

Once some Spartans got bored

And one of them grabbed a sword.

They said “We can stab you

“Or instead spear you too”

And thus democracy was restored.

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