This afternoon, Jay Inslee,
The Governor of WA,
Mandated everyone wear masks
To which I stated: “Ha!”
The problem with such mandates
Is that if up the police show
You can say “I’m attracted to plants today”
And they have to let you go.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Why Has No One Mentioned This Unsung Hero Yet? Conspiracy!
Amidst the “What the heck?s”
About kneeling for anthems and necks
One man has consistently stood tall:
That man is Neil Diamond,
Who protested against crime and
Didn’t change his name to “Stand.” That’s all.
Filed under Poems
When You Have A Punchline But It’s Four Syllables Long…
Step one: Be God’s son
Step two: Write on stone tablets
And Step three: Prophet!
Filed under Poems
[Insert That One Guy Here]
His heart was as big as a pop-up ad
On a movie you watch on your phone.
His mind was as big as the X in the corner
That tells it to leave you alone.
Filed under Poems
New To Alaska?
The air was full of mosquitoes
And someone gave me a spray:
“It’s called mosquito repellant
“And it keeps the bugs away.”
I put it on my body
And away went all my cares.
Now I’m going to try the spray
For repelling the bears!
Filed under Poems
Well, That Escalated Quickly…
If someone stomps a snail to death,
Then snails burn down a city,
Why is that conducive to
Making people think snails aren’t shitty?
Filed under Poems
It’s Not The Size… It’s The Personality
Here’s to all the porcupines
Who smile from behind their spines.
How they reproduce may you-befuddle,
As might how, afterwards, they cuddle.
One thing that I know for certain
Is neither partner ends up hurtin’
Which is more than I can say
For every woman I’ve had. Yay!
Filed under Poems
Do It Already!
Close my eyes and listen
To the gently falling rain,
Wishing all the while
That you, dear reader, will refrain
From noticing the fact
That I made a mistake,
For this poem is a command.
What a difference “I” can make…
Filed under Poems
An Eggxcellent… Oh, Nevermind…
I meant to write a verse that’s funny
Involving Jesus and a bunny.
Alas, the laughter all was cheap
And so I left without a peep.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 