We’re all human, the same flesh and blood,
And our brains all work the dame way,
But some people think that a child named Dink
Is perfectly fine and okay
While others are Henry for 12 generations
And some are named Diogenese
And yet never in history has someone had
A child named “Delicious Melty Cheese.”
Filed under Poems
Not enough poems are written
About the legendary Scott:
We would remedy this, except
Of what he did, we knowest not.
Filed under Poems
Right now it’s been 21 minutes
Since I started loading my homework
And the first question still hasn’t loaded.
I imagine sometime in the future
When the sun is a distant memory
And perhaps the whole universe has imploded
I’ll finally look at my laptop
And see “Question 1 of 16”
Blinking at me from the shadows of collapsing stars…
Well, it’s been seven more minutes
Since I started writing this poem
So thank goodness my Wifi says I have three bars!
Edit: It’s Viasat, actually. (This is the Upgrade from Frontier. Leave none alive)
Filed under Poems
I like to imagine that somebody said
“I’m naming my child Cheff
“‘Cause that’s the sound a choo choo makes
“When played in super high def.”
Then their friend said, “Yeah, Cheff sounds cool
“But what if the first syllable
“Sounded like a French librarian
“Trying to shush people into a lull?”
Filed under Poems
In a positive twist on current events,
It seems the number of incidents
Of accidental gunshots dropped
When everybody suddenly stopped
Tolerating anything Russian,
Which apparently included pushing
A swift end to games of Russian Roulette.
So hey! Take what good news you get!
Filed under Poems
Some kids will say “Astronaut”.
Some kids will say “Surgeon.”
Some kids will say “Engineer”
Which means they misspelled “Virgin.”
Some kids will say “A Hero
“Dressed in armor and a cowl.”
But props to the kid who said
“I’d be your girlfriend’s towel.”
Filed under Poems
A poem without rhyming’s
Like a cheeseburger without cheese,
A BLT with no tomato,
A bowl of carrots without peas.
A poem without rhyming
Lacks flavor and synergy
But alas I’m on a diet
And must cut whatever calories I can…
Filed under Poems
Tonight we lose an hour
Which I don’t think is fair.
It’s like somebody skipped the end of a poem
Filed under Poems
Sometimes a customer writes me to say
“I wish that your product would do things this way.”
I like to tell them “Hey, let’s clear the air:
“The problem’s between your keyboard and chair.”
Filed under Poems
I worked 13 hours today
So a two line poem is a-ok.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 