“Hey girl”, I texted.
“What’s up?” She replied.
Then I flashed back to the first three minutes of Pixar’s masterpiece, “Up”
And inevitably cried.
Tag Archives: Travesty
What New Devilry Is This?
Somewhere down in baby hell
Are Lucifer and Baphomet,
Asmodeus, Apollyon,
Satan, and Adramalech
All laughing at demonic stuff
But here’s the evil rub:
There’s a new kid in the devil school.
His name’s Beelzebub.
His family comes from South Missouri
And his dad’s name was Cletus
And he’d been groomed for devilhood
Since he was a fetus.
The devils might have picked on him
‘Til he was a broken husk
But then a savior came along:
A baby devil named by Elon Musk.
Filed under Poems
Tomorrow I’ll Have Brain Cells To Use… Maybe
Today I drove a long, long way.
Tomorrow I got to the dentist.
That’s why this poem is short,
As if written by the poet’s apprentice.
Filed under Poems
Because “You’re Beautiful Just The Way You Are, And The Right Man Will Love You Forever” Is A Bigoted, Misogynist Message
Pixie dust and fairy farts,
Princess hair and fey Walmarts:
Some came from a movie I loved as a kid.
The others are movies that Disney just did.
Filed under Poems
Relationship Advice
If you want to impress a woman
Ask “Will you be my girlfrien?”
She’ll say no, because you forgot the “d”.
Then you grin at her
And say “You’ll get the ‘d’ later”
Then you can say “thank you” to me.
Versatility 101
“There’s no such thing as magic”
Is what the stranger said,
So I dropped the pulsing rainbow orb
And hit him with a pan instead.
Filed under Poems
Halloween Eve And Christmas Eve Are Not The Same
Tomorrow we’ll dress up
And take candy from strangers
Then listen to music
About Santa and mangers
But tonight we’ll eat ice cream
And go to Ikea
And buy toilet paper
For Tuesday’s diarrhea.
Filed under Poems
Sometimes Inspiration Doesn’t Help
There once was a writer’s-blocked poet
Who needed to write but didn’t want to blow it.
He Googled “poetry prompt generator”
And five minutes later
Took a photo of the prompt, and here he will show it:
Filed under Poems
Pixar Lamp Has A New Rival
By chance a man died at a hardware store.
He dropped hundreds of lamps all over the floor.
Detectives had no idea how he ended up dead
But then a light bulb popped over their head!
Filed under Poems
What’s Holding You Back?
There is a wall between the grass
That’s greener than our own,
That’s free of weeds and full of dew
And smells so freshly mown.
There’s a man who wants to climb
The wall, but has no rope.
He’s laughed at by the man who has no hands.
Crying in the shadows
Is a man who has no hope
And one who has no time to climb
Because of life’s demands.
One man has no body
Since he died a year ago
And another has no body
For he was never born at all.
Last among the dreamers
And the lowest of the low
Is the man who loves the grass beyond
But is five-foot-eleven tall.
Filed under Poems
