Middle school classroom:
All is quiet. Someone farts.
No learning today.
Tag Archives: Travesty
See Also: Ant Farms
Once upon a time, some guy
Said “I know what we need!:
“A kinda boring screensaver
“We also have to feed.”
All the other townspeople
Said “That’s as good as it gets,”
And they all went out to buy themselves
Some fish to keep as pets.
Filed under Poems
#Fitness
Cookies for breakfast,
Pizza for lunch,
Twelve donuts for dinner,
But I did one crunch!
Filed under Poems
Beauty Without Photoshop
Willow, willow, don’t you weep.
Just calm upon the Earth sit.
Your loveliness has but one name:
Arb’oreal: Because you’re worth it.
Filed under Poems
Why The White House Has Five Full-Time Chefs
I shouldn’t be the president
Because when I want a snack
I go to a take out restaraunt
And microwave it when I get back.
At first that won’t seem dangerous
Until my words are these:
“I’m feeling kinda hungry… hey!
“Why not nuke some Chinese?”
Filed under Poems
Why Ghosts Are Angry
Greg had no reason to live anymore
So he bought a rope and locked the door
And made a new necklace he tied to the roof
And fell to his death without uttering “oof.”
He opened his eyes and he looked all around
And saw his cadaver and angrily frowned;
Yes, he succeeded in becoming dead
But now he’s a ghost, and immortal instead.
Worse, now the tourists come hither and yon
For signs of the ghost of Greg, who is gone.
He’ll wail and shriek and pray for some help
But the tourists just cheer and write “Five stars” on Yelp.
If its deserved or not, no one can tell
But Greg lives forever in introvert Hell.
Filed under Poems
Judy Rhymes With Beauty…
People who don’t think gender is real
May have a change of heart
Depending on if the person who says
“Smell this” is named Judy or Bart.
Filed under Poems
Pyramids: Primeval Percussion Palaces
Before the phrase “More Cowbell”
Took the world by storm
Egyptians had a fever
And only could stay warm
By making a great replica
Of the instrument they’d dangle;
And they shouted in Egyptian
“I need some more triangle!”
Filed under Poems
It’s Not In Their Nature
If you toss a baby bird in water
It will probably die.
If you toss a fish from a nest
It will not learn to fly.
If you’re nice to someone rude
They’ll likely stay a jerk,
Yet the government employs people
And thinks that they will work?
Filed under Poems
It Rubs Me The Wrong Way, You Know?
Some people fear that God fellow.
Some people fear that Devil guy.
I fear the one who actually prefers
The toilet paper with just one ply.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 