Tag Archives: True Story

A Promising Start

Marjorie Jean was a mysterious queen

Who brought me to a miniature land

Where pain and fear did disappear

But not a bit was bland.

She took me out on a walkabout

For a sandwich of significant size

Then we’d settle in as the games begin

Until the evening had sealed our eyes.

But the morning sun said “you’re not done”

And two cats were fondled and fed

Before M and I walked with Mr. Blue Sky

To the land where the sharks go to bed.

A party of two then suddenly grew

And so did the Marjories double.

This new, larger band celebrated as planned

With all of the expected trouble.

And so fed, I turned with my face and neck burned,

And sped off in a car doused in Axe.

One day I’ll be seen back with Marjorie Jean,

And until that day two hearts relax.

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When You Write Yourself An Anniversary Poem

Nine years ago, a bright young lad

With a twinkle in his eyes

Began a grand adventure

(Which, in hindsight, wasn’t wise),

His goal to publish poetry,

Of dubious merit at best

And to do so unfailingly

Without a day of rest.

More or less that happened,

And here we stand today,

With me patting myself on the back

And you mumbling “okaaaaay?”

Thank you for continuing

To read the swill I write.

Let jollity malinger…

And with that I say good night!

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Happy Birthday Mom!

A mother’s like a brother

If a brother were a mom.

There’s no other to smother;

You’re her one and only “da bomb.”

She’s comfy and inviting

And onto her you do glom.

My mother made me write this

And I wish her much aplomb!

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Thanks George For Keeping Your Voice At a Reasonable Volume

My roommate eats six jars of peanut butter a month.

His girlfriend does not know what Koolaid is.

I now have proof of how low standards can get

And also of how low the rent I paid is.

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Forever Mine

I’m not afraid to make it known

I want this more than you.

I want to find a partner

Who is loyal, kind, and true.

I only want to have one talk,

A talk that never ends,

And to be more than lovers:

To be two forever friends.

I want you to have my kids,

To raise, protect, and feed.

I want to be your every want

And fill your every need.

I want to text you memes at night,

House hunt with you on Zillow,

And when we are a world apart

To smell you on my pillow.

Tonight and every night from now

I’ll wish upon a star

And ask whatever gods may be

To show me who you are.

Until the stars or gods or fate

Fulfill this wish of mine

I’ll work to be the man you want

To call “Forever Mine.”

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For Those Who Love To Laugh, Hiking, Traveling, And Food

We could’ve been a miracle

Like a bottle of lightning,

With ardor and passion

That bordered on frightening,

Two bits of a puzzle

That fate formed as one

Destined for fortune

And family and fun.

We could’ve been lovers

And best friends for life,

The textbook example

Of husband and wife.

You could’ve been my world,

My earth, sea, and sky,

If only your first message

Were more than just, “hi.”

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Actual MCU Pitch Meeting, Featuring Greek Food

There one was a film about heroes

That didn’t gross quite enough zeroes.

Disney said, “Make it funny

“And we’ll make way more money,”

Then the CEO ordered some gyros.

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So That Happened…

Yesterday, the internet

Decided to be rude

And with regards to a poem I wrote

The scheduling was eschewed.

The poem in question, “A Halfass Ballad

Was supposed to be published today

But instead it published an hour before

I wrote it yesterday.

Apparently a time machine

Malfunctioned for a bit

And made the WordPress platform

Look like a load of… anyway

The point of this poem

Is I put effort and thought

Into “yesterday’s” poem

So today effort give I’ll not.

Seriously though… go read “A Halfass Ballad.” It may be the last good poem I publish for some time, as longtime readers are aware. And if you’re still reading this italicized footnote, obviously you have plenty of time on your hands so don’t say “But I just read today’s poem, so I can’t go back and read another one.” Because you can. Also, if you already read “A Halfass Ballad,” read it again because it’s more interesting than this. Seriously, why are you even still here? Love ya!

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Quit Selling Drugs And Make REAL Money

If you’re a burglar

And want to do something bad

To an ex-CIA agent

Turned middle-class dad

I think you ought to

‘Cause although you’ll get killed

Hollywood will tell your story

And teen boys will be thrilled.

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In 2022, Restaurants Will Be Segregated By “Coke Drinkers” and “Pepsi Drinkers” Because #SocialJustice

I use to think that crack cocaine

Was a terrible social ill,

Until the other type of Coke

Reclaimed the top of the hill

By training its employees

That they should be “less white.”

If folks buy crack then c’est la vie

But to buy coca-cola ain’t right.

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