There once was a popular singer
Whose love life was put through the ringer.
Her dreams all came true
Yet she still sings to you
About how life still gives her the finger.
Category Archives: Poems
Oh Yeah… We’ll Also Make Every Micro-Sheet Get Dispensed Using Electricity Made From Burning Coal
So paper towels are made from trees
And killing tree will kill the Earth
So to save more trees and thus the planet
We must have a towel dispenser rebirth:
Henceforth no towel dispenser shall
Give more than a three-inch sheet.
Of course you can use it unlimited times.
Isn’t saving the planet neat?
Filed under Poems
I Failed My Wisdom Saving Throw
Work at 5:00 AM.
We played D&D tonight.
Sleep is optional.
Filed under Poems
No Really… What’s The Downside?
We finally did it!
We shut down the Feds!
We didn’t use violence
And lop off their heads;
We didn’t act cleverly
Nor were we strategic
We just let them keep spending
‘Til the budget went paraplegic.
The government shutdown
Is the start of new ways
If we can just keep it going
More than 35 days.
Filed under Poems
And They Complain About “Football Time”
April the 4th, 1902:
His wife said, “We’re leaving in 5.”
Today his wife’s ghost put on her shoes
And asked, “Hey, why aren’t you alive?”
Filed under Poems
History Repeating Itself
Only took three years
Of England having a king
To become evil…
Filed under Poems
Sophie’s New Choice
Equal wages or
Pumpkin-spice in everything…
White girls, whatcha got?
Filed under Poems
Normalcy Is Overrated
If you eat noodles with a knife
I bet you probably love your life.
If your best friend is a cat
Your probably satisfied with that.
If your name starts with a Z
You’re already cooler than me.
What makes you weird’s what makes you you
So unto your weird self be true.
Filed under Poems
World Design 101
You ask me if there is a god
And I say that I hope not
For I have traveled o’er the world
And many treasures sought
Yet behind every waterfall
I found just rocky flat.
Who would wish a god exists
Who makes a world like that?
Filed under Poems
The Cardinals Uniform Designer, Apparently
What if we made shirts
Out of used toilet paper
And called it a day?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 