Happy Birthday dude!
Here’s cash you can only spend
Somewhere you don’t go.
Category Archives: Poems
Mon Dieu!
The English marched on Agincourt
With hoards of longbowmen
To fight the army of the French.
They were terribly surprised when
They loosed a thousand arrows
And those chic Parisian dorks
Brought out the champagne bottles
And fired back with corks.
Filed under Poems
A Real Man’s Christmas Wishlist
Triumph over evil
Victory in battle
A wife and seven children
Some land to herd my cattle
A fancy leather cowboy hat
A closet full of guns
A quiet place to rest my head
And lots of silly puns.
Filed under Poems
If You’re Not Reading This, I’m No Longer Stuck On A Random Wednesday
Horror movies are just Groundhog Day
But it’s Halloween instead.
Now with that insight passed on
I’m going to go to bed.
Filed under Poems
Careful What You Wish For
If wishes were horses
What would you do?
Probably get trampled
But never run out of glue.
Filed under Poems
I May Not Have Money, But I Have A Weird Imagination
I wish I had a yttrium-plated snow globe.
A yttrium-plated globe would make me smile
Because I’d have something no billionaire has
At least for a brief and satisfying while.
Filed under Poems
You’re Used To It By Now
5:00 AM alarm
Set for wake up tomorrow
Thus, it’s haiku night!
Filed under Poems
New York City, 2026
Somewhere, in an all-gender bathroom,
The attack helicopters hover
At opposite ends of the row of urinals
Not speaking to each other
But grateful that the war is over.
I stand between them,
Pretending that I’m peeing.
In a nearby stall
The aardvarks howl.
Filed under Poems
Travel Plans
Flying tuna can
Crammed with average human beings.
Twice delayed so far.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 