“You have sixteen melons
“And I take ten away.
“What do you have left?”
Just this gun and newfound prey…
Category Archives: Poems
Keeping Your Head Above Water
I bought a fish named Clem on Tuesday
And by Wednesday he was dead.
I bought a fish named Joe on Thursday
But hid him under my bed.
Joe is living happily
Unlike poor, stubborn Clem
Who saw guys on TV and challenged himself
To hold his breath like them.
Filed under Poems
Now You Know Why!
I was a cock a huntin’
For a wily, free-range hen
I needed a set of wheels
That appealed to chicks, so then
I went to get a car loan
And I jumped through a hoop.
Now I’m clucking happy
Crossing the road in my chicken coupe.
Filed under Poems
đđ¸? đ,âšī¸đ!
I met a girl in cooking class
When I was seventeen.
She texted “Wanna have some fun?”
I asked “What do you mean?”
She sent me some emojis
Of an eggplant and a queen.
I replied “Thanks for the offer
“But I’m out of aubergine.”
Filed under Poems
Thanks Google!
I asked my Dad, “Before computers
“When you were bored what did you do?”
He wouldn’t say, and none of my sixteen
Brothers and sisters knew.
Filed under Poems
A Sense of Scale
Some people say a football player
Is really, really large.
What’s bigger than a football player
Is probably a barge.
What’s bigger than a barge
Is a thousand-trillion ants.
Nothing bigger than that
Exists outside my pants.
Why No One Buys CDs Anymore
Some evenings I sit in darkness
Playing a sad song on repeat
With a pillow on my head
And a blanket on my feet.
I’m don’t feel sad
Though I am devoid of laughter;
I feel sad because I hate
The song that plays right after.
Filed under Poems
Two Types of Difficulty
Is it harder to be a single mom
Made pregnant at eleven
Or to be a single mom
When you’re a childless man at 87?
Filed under Poems
The Elites
Who once was an ideologue
Now bears a predacious heart,
A prerequisite for leadership
In politics and art.
Who once fantasized
Is yoked by sponsors unseen,
Separate from the audience
Who now seem unclean.
Who once dreamed of changing
Now for sameness votes,
Repelling their friends,
Trapped within their own moats.
Who is no longer meek
Now learns how and why
The meek inherit nothing
If the elites never die.
Filed under Poems
Made In China
Two Americans have died
From Coronavirus as of this date.
Also, 18,000 Americans
By the flu have met their fate.
That a virus 9,000-times less deadly
Than the flu can be this stressful
Is evidence enough for how
Asian folks are so successful.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 