Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
That dress is fine
For cosplaying Shamu.
Category Archives: Poems
Wrong
A hero stood and spoke the truth,
Was called unwise, uncool, uncouth,
Was thrown out by the ruling men
But in the streets he spoke again.
His home was burned, his name was mocked,
His faith was tested, his world was rocked.
He was left penniless in shame
But when he spoke, he spoke the same.
He watched as liars took control,
Saw how untruths extract their toll.
The Earth collapsed beneath a word,
While the truth was spoken, yet unheard.
Left with no ground to stand upon,
When everything he loved was gone,
The Earth was ash, but still he stood;
He was the only one who would.
But from the ash a flower grew,
A cloud allowed the sunshine through,
A bird sang out a cheerful song
And the hero saw that he was wrong:
Life was good, so broken-hearted
The hero silently departed.
Filed under Poems
Baby’s First Gangsta Rap
I hit my brother
And hit my mother.
It was not okay.
They said “Don’t hit.”
I said “No shit”
And hit them anyway.
Cops saw the fight,
Turned on their light,
And hit me in the gut.
So hitting’s okay
With the government’s say?
And I was all like “Wut?”
I hit the cop
And hit my pop
With my inflatable hammer.
They cuffed my wrists
To stop my fists
And shut me in the slammer.
I was in jail
‘Cause no one paid bail
And was charged in juvenile court.
I can’t write a sentence
But I’ll attempt repentance
And maybe build a fort.
Filed under Poems
Close Calls and My Unintentional Confession That I’m A Wimp Who Doesn’t Know What “Staying Up Late” Means
Some days I stay up too late…
Like right now. (It’s 11:38)
Thanks to my late bedtimes
I’ve kept up with daily rhymes
And not yet inspired your hate.
Filed under Poems
Hail to the Chief(s)
Today the 49ers lost
And Trump was not impeached,
White men still have power
And whales still get beached.
Meanwhile in Kansas City
The fans are seeing red
And cheerful songs from joyful throngs
Are filling smiling heads.
One man’s rent is $1006
And one is $3688.
At least a team of Native Americans
Won for the Golden State!
Filed under Poems
He’s Asian, So He’ll Probably Send Me $6
When the Coronavirus began
I sent my buddy a letter:
“Bet you five bucks this is the new plague
“Because asians do everything better.”
Filed under Poems
SERIOUSLY?! DOST THOU KIDDETH THY LORD?!
Somewhere in Heaven
The Gods all look down
At the biggest of cities
And the tiniest town,
They watch people playin’
And workin’ and sleepin’
(It’s okay that they watch us
‘Cause Gods can’t be creepin’).
They shout for our victories,
Sob for our failings,
But one thing holds constant
For all of their wailings:
All Gods will swear
On all that is pious
That those damned referees
Are all fuckin’ biased.
Filed under Poems
The Event Of A Lifetime
They hosted a party
On the banks of the Styx
For the vice-presidents
And the second-round picks,
The guys who won silver,
Who went out with a flicker,
And all the cheerleaders
Who dated the kicker.
They hosted a party
For the closely defeated
To celebrate those
Who quite nearly succeeded.
I was invited
But stayed home instead
‘Cause I hadn’t stopped trying
And wasn’t yet dead.
Filed under Poems
Raucous Caucus Talk
In Iowa approacheth
Democratic circumstances
In which the snollygosters
Can perform their verbal dances,
Each hoping to ensnareth
Those gullible and influential
For they see primary voting
As a big campaign essential.
The maladroits have moseyed
And the minor leaguers drowned
Leaving only malefactors
With the finest lies around
And the lucky folks in Davenport,
Des Moines, and Keokuk
Get to argue first about
Who’s the least likely to suck.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 