The dumbness of a given thing
Is strongly correlated
With how late I am this morning
And how closely we’re related.
Category Archives: Poems
Mysteries of the Fairer Sex
My wife brought home ten pairs of shoes
Because she simply couldn’t choose
Between the heels, the pumps, the flats,
The mules, the boots, the this-and-thats,
The espadrilles, the gladiators,
So bought them all, saying “See you laters”.
I, on the other hand, am a guy
And really have to wonder why
She wants more than a couple pumps
To satisfy her lady lumps…
Filed under Poems
Abs for the Sedentary
There once was a gym teacher, Hank
Who I for one think we should thank.
He said, “Movement is bad
“And it makes me sad”
And so he invented the plank.
Filed under Poems
Spill The Tea, Casper
What if ghosts just fly around
To dig up the gossip on you
And that’s why they’re hiding under the sheets
And always whispering “OoOoOohhhh”?
Filed under Poems
Tourism
I saw a commercial on TV
For the state of Illinois.
Apparently, they have a restaurant
And a museum too. Oh boy!
I’m packing my bags and dreaming
Of my grand midwest escape
Where the humidity is thick
And so is the red tape!
Filed under Poems
True Story (Unfortunately)
Tonight, when playing pickleball
I did a little dance
While trying to smack that fickle ball
And oops! I ripped my pants!
I learned to play more cautiously.
Also, for what it’s worth
I’ve secured my reputation
As the whitest man on Earth.
Filed under Poems
Public Transit Life Hack
If you say “Sentimental Salamander” ten times
Then bellow, “Meet your doom”
People on the train will give you space
So yay to more leg room!
Filed under Poems
7-9-7
If you make a long haiku
With too many syllables in it
Nothing changes. Lighten up.
Filed under Poems
Baptist Easter
Two-Thousand Twenty-Five years ago
Judas told Jesus “YOLO”
But Jesus, lacking any fear
Said “Judas, my brudda, holdeth my beer.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 