I’ve started to think of ads
As memes from strangers’ dads
About brands I don’t know
And that makes me feel so
Much less like I’ve been punched in the ‘nads.
Category Archives: Poems
A Universal Symbol Of Me
I wanted to get a tattoo
Of something that was always true
To remind myself by simple sight
Of something that is always right.
I thought of words, but words can change
Like “queer” no longer meaning strange
And alphabets can change a lot…
“So much for a tattoo”, I thought
But what about a picture that
Reflects the world and where I’m at?
A picture that will grow with me
No matter who I grow to be?
I used to love a Pokemon
But my favorite one keeps moving on.
I used to think that I was wise
But what I knew were often lies.
I used to be a man of God
But now I find the Bible odd.
And then, at once, it came to me!
An image only I could see
That would grow and change as I
Would grow and change and smile and sigh:
My skin, unchanged except by age,
My empty slate, my blank white page.
I’ll know, I know, I knew I’d see
I need no mark to just be me.
Filed under Poems
Microsoft
five years after death
my computer loads a page:
“how to download chrome”
Filed under Poems
Six Seasons And A Movie…
I’m not a huge fan of reality shows
But one that I think would impress
Is a battle-royale style contest between
All 535 folks in congress.
We’d give them katanas and send them away
To a place that’s devoid and bereft
And let them do anything they want to do
Until there’s just one of them left.
The final survivor gets to be president
And the senate and house get refilled
By neighbors and bosses and IRS workers
And anyone else we want killed.
Filed under Poems
“Award Winning” Vs. “Best Selling”
For those who want to differentiate
Between “Fiction” and “Literature”
Here’s a handy-dandy little guide:
It’s fiction if the story
Has a point and ends in glory.
Literature ends when boring people die.
Filed under Poems
Once You Hunt White Your Whole Crew Ain’t Alright
So I wrote this book called “Moby Dick”
But my publisher says its a marketing fail
So I kept the story and changed the title
And now it’s called “The White Whale”.
Filed under Poems
Late Night?
Growing up is when you play
D&D 12 hours a day.
Being an adult is when your Bard
Says “It’s 9:00 guys. We worked too hard.”
Filed under Poems
Evening Cuddles
Fat cat on my lap goes splat
And I pat his fat and that is that.
I rub and rub all ‘round his roundness
Until I question my mental soundness.
I sploop his leg and bwork his boop
And give his little gleeb a ploop
And then he bites and runs away
And thus I end another day.
Filed under Poems
ADHD
I’m an absent-minded guy
And I’d probably make a terrible spy.
On an unrelated note
I mowed the lawn and bought a boat.
Filed under Poems
Another Unifying Political Policy… Almost
I think most people are open
To human sacrifice. However
We disagree on who gets picked
And who will pull the lever.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 