When I get rich, I want to buy
All the ads for my favorite shows
And just put a 3-second picture up
To make sure everyone knows
That the reason you don’t have to watch
A billion stupid ads
Is because I’m rich and I think they suck
So enjoy the bandwidth, lads!
We’re hiring for a guinea pig
To work for forty hours
Making coffee for the mucky-mucks
With offices in towers.
The role pays $20k a year
So let’s post the job. Maybe
We’ll say that it pays 50k
And needs a master’s degree!
Filed under Poems
A poet once went on a break
Which turned out to be a mistake
‘Cause he hurried to finish
His limerick, diminish
Ing his perfect lyrical break.
Filed under Poems
If you’re not in a haste
To reduce government waste
I invite you to pay
Extra taxes today
Filed under Poems
I think they should have a Ghostbusters
Where they find a haunted house
But they’re not allowed to cleanse it
‘Cause some fat chick in a blouse
Hears some old white men are coming
And they’re going to exercise
And she wants no part of that.
Then the ghosts come and she dies.
Filed under Poems
There was a competitive game
Where everyone’s setup’s the same.
The winners opined
“This game’s well-designed”
But the loser opined, “No, it’s lame.”
Filed under Poems
Some people believe in fantasy creatures
Like mermaids and centaurs and such.
Most people come to conclude those beliefs
Are, politely, “a little bit much.”
Some people believe in fantasy creatures
But I think we should give them a pass;
Sure, I’ve never known a fish-tailed woman
But I’ve known plenty with a horse’s ass.
Filed under Poems
So I was dating May
Until she moved away,
And then I dated Jenny
But she stole my lucky penny,
So I started dating Morgan
But she worshipped Demogorgon,
And now I’m dating Ted
‘Cause ladies loco in the head.
Filed under Poems
The fact that an unelected billionaire
Firing thousands of unelected folk
Is considered an outrage to many
Is my new favorite real-life joke.
Filed under Poems
Irritating, aggravating,
Enervating, asinine,
Childish, boorish, makes-me-snore-ish,
Meaningless but mostly fine,
Stupid, senseless, mauve, relentless,
Bleaker than “Old Yeller”,
And somehow amidst these reviews
A New York Times Bestseller…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 