So babe, I heard you want a ring.
You need to know there’s just one thing…
You already have one in your nose
And that’s why thus your love life goes.
Category Archives: Poems
Pirate Movies > Pirate Guns
As television became popular
Cannon deaths at sea have decreased
So I will continue to watch TV
And be grateful that I’m not deceased.
Filed under Poems
Military/Zoological Complex (See Also… Polar Bears, Chihuahuas, Those #%^*ing Moths In The Bathroom At Night… I Can Go On)
The fact that we’ve been through how many wars
And nobody’s realized yet
That dropping skunks is way cheaper than dropping bombs
Shows just how dumb humans can get.
Filed under Poems
Bille Nye The Science Guy 3, Starring Chris Rock
We’ve finally reached the place
Where Hollywood’s gotten so mid
Black actors are turning down starring roles
And bringing milk home for their kid.
Filed under Poems
Pokemon Forever
Back in 1996 we moved to Pallet Town
Where there are two houses
And electric mouses
And a research lab that’s brown.
Now our trainer starts their quest in the hills of Cabo Poco.
It’s the exact same thing
But with 3D bling
And NPCs who say “Loco.”
When I am 58 years old I’ll go to Quantum Prime
Where I’ll get my starter
And then depart for
Eight badges and fighting crime.
Filed under Poems
Forget Electric Cars… THIS Will Prevent Climate Change
Every GPS should say
“Make a U-turn here for course correction”
On bridges, highways, and the like
To speed up natural selection.
Filed under Poems
Know Your Role!
Women are possessed of powers
Men cannot explain
But sitting on the toilet for half an hour
Is strictly man’s domain.
Filed under Poems
25% Success For 0% Study Time… A Good Tradeoff!
I was traveling on a train going 50 miles per hour
When another train passed by us going the other way
I wasn’t certain of its speed, origin, or destination
But I remembered what I learned in school and wisely noted, “A”
Filed under Poems
Modern Audiences
I consider myself pretty smart
And I have an insight into art:
More people would read
Poetry if indeed
More poets would use the word “fart”
Filed under Poems
Everyone Has Something To Share
If your life is a dumpster fire
Don’t think about aiming higher
But find a cold alley
And watch how you rally
The hobos, who your heat admire.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 