You’d not saved your game in a while
So I made you an autosaved file
Yet as hard as I slaved
You still manually saved
As if I harbored some sort of guile?
Category Archives: Poems
A Poem For My Wife On The Occasion Of A Duty To Her Peers
‘Twas the day of jury duty
And through the courthouse
Most groups were still waiting
(They’d just called in “mouse”).
The judges were hoping
For non-psycho jurors
While my wife was pining
For sofas and purrers.
One hundred dollars
Awaited those selected
To sit in the waiting room,
Tired and dejected,
But some of those gathered
Would be chosen to act
As one of a dozen
Who would justice enact.
The thrill of deciding
A dumb person’s fate
Might be tempting for some,
But not to my mate.
She wanted to go
To her job or her house,
Not to wait for a call
For “Octopus”. (Nope, still “mouse”).
And then, with a flash
And a low-level clatter
A sentry emerged
And did hush all their chatter.
“I’ve news for you all”
The page said to the bunch.
“We don’t need you right now.
“Take an hour for lunch.”
And so wifey departed
In search of a bite
With an intrusive thought
That she’d be here all night…
Filed under Poems
It’s About Sending A Message
There was a little spider
In my bathroom late at night.
Now it’s gone, and so is one shotgun shell
And I have a new skylight!
Filed under Poems
Beats By Dreidel
Gentiles got foreskins, ya,
But my bros got candles nine.
We only got a day of oil
But there’s God, so we’ll be fine.
We can burn these candles y’all
For a dozen days or so
And all you got’s a baby
In a manger full of snow?
You get one day of giving gifts;
We’ve got a fortnight minus two
Plus no Mariah Carey
So come become a jew!
Filed under Poems
The Herald Can Hark On December 11th
The tree is up
The lights are hung
The gifts are wrapped
And stockings strung
The mistle’s toed
Now all I seek
Is to delay the music
For one more week.
Filed under Poems
If Thanksgiving Wore Sweatpants
Today is Black Friday,
That grand shopping day
Where everything costs
What the white people pay.
You can buy all the things
That nobody bought
When the items were valued
As the resellers thought.
Your lunch will be yummy,
Just like last night’s dinner
And you give up your goal
Of ending the year thinner.
Filed under Poems
Always Room At The Table For Turkey
Today we are thankful for immigrants
Who come here to become a winner.
Without them we’d have to fly to Turkey
To have our traditional dinner.
Filed under Poems
Those Golden Years…
So a hundred thousand novels
Get published every year
But we still go back and read
“Tom Sawyer” and “King Lear”.
We’ve made games in 3D space
So lifelike it’s surreal
But we still enjoy our Tetris
And that hungry yellow wheel.
We have so many robots
That they’re not even that cool
And we had an entire year
Of watching videos at school
But yet we yearn to venture back
Into a simpler day
Where nobody would cancel us
If we said “Bro, that’s gay.”
Filed under Poems
Black Friday?
‘Twas two nights before Thanksgiving
And on every website
There were black Friday ads
That were sure to delight,
For why wait three more days
To get ludicrous deals
Like fifty-percent off
Those bejeweled heels?
Sure, in July
They were 99 bucks
But now they’re 199.99 89 dollars.
What incredible luck!
Today we are thankful
For bargains galore.
Now just three days to wait
Before violence in the store!
Filed under Poems
Computer Science vs. Math
So somebody invented a flat piece of metal
And pumped some lightning inside it
And it makes ones and zeros look like fantasy heroes
And we have no idea who supplied it.
Yet if there’s a method for solving equations
About how many red beans in a jar
Can be expressed fractally, we will know exactly
Who the nerds who invented it are.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 