There once was a guy from Renton
Who got to work on inventin’
Some colorful cards
Full of dragons and bards
And now my bankroll is lamentin’
Category Archives: Poems
The Season of Sugar Pills
I don’t like Halloween
But I like clinical trials.
Debating whether I got a placebo
Fills my life with smiles.
So in a manner of speaking
Spooky season is still real neat
Because thanks to modern medicine
You still ask “trick or treat?”
Filed under Poems
If We Change “Private” To “Assistant Director Of Infantry Fieldwork And Individual Contributor To Combat Superiority” Maybe More People Would Enlist?
Instead of drafting young people
Without an education
And sending them to fight for us
In a far-off destination
Why don’t we draft the people who
Have four words or more in their job
Because they’re clearly competent
And if they die nobody will sob?
Filed under Poems
It’s The Little Things
So World War 3 is imminent
And everyone’s poor and depressed
But they’re selling egg nog at Costco again
So I feel a little less stressed
Filed under Poems
We’re Almost Done! (Repeat The Line)
There once was a politician (read: liar)
Whose teleprompter went haywire.
She said “34 days”
About 34 ways
And CNN wrote “…continues to inspire.”
Filed under Poems
It’s A Pun… And A Haiku… And A Geography Joke… What Have I Become?
Whenever I meet
Patriotic Libyans
It’s a big green flag.
Filed under Poems
Remember That Hope Thing? That Was Nice…
There once was a 49ers running back
But he got hurt a few games back.
Turns out their fifth string
Still runs like a king
And the ‘92 Seahawks are back.
Filed under Poems
Heroes On The Ground Delivering You Live Coverage
There once was a Hurricane Milton
And for donations the news went a guiltin’.
They had guys in the storm
With hair in good form
Filming live from the Atlanta Hilton.
Filed under Poems
Book Review: “The Accomplishments of Kamala Harris”
Kamala is a person
Who’s been in political office for years.
The following are her accomplishments
That distinguish her from peers:
Filed under Poems
If Timmy Were Trans, This Would Still Be In Your School’s Library
Timmy wasn’t happy.
Timmy threw a fit.
Timmy is annoying.
He’s a little piece of shit.
Timmy has a blanket
That teacher took away.
Timmy started crying
‘Cause he’s dumb and fat and gay.
The office called Ms. Timmy
And said “your son is sad”.
Ms. Timmy said, “He should be
“‘Cause he never met his dad.”
Then Timmy got a rifle
From the democratic party
And he took a shot at Donald
And now they call him “Smarty.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 