‘Twas the night before football
And men everywhere
Were preparing their lineups
And floofing their chair.
Elsewhere in the house
Was a wife, not yet hiding,
But seeking out places
For comfy abiding,
Retreats where she’ll spend
The next 17 Sundays
Avoiding the shouts.
(Wait, they also play Mondays?)
The refs have made final
The script for the season
Including some muscles
To tear without reason.
Now all of us sigh
As we drift off to bed
Hoping this year the Chiefs
Will get bonked in the head.
Filed under Poems
Motivation is a friend
Who sets an inspiring tone
And would be a mighty ally
If they’d just pick up their phone…
Filed under Poems
Happy Monday everyone!
Take a day off! Have some fun!
This is your chance to relax and be free
By sitting for hours and watching TV!
Filed under Poems
If you’re ever feeling lonely
Go to the store and buy a melon
Then drive to your local prison
And give your purchase to a felon.
Criminals love melons…
Seedy fruit for seedy guys.
Also, you’re no longer lonely
And, perhaps, you may be wise.
Filed under Poems
My pronouns are just
The sound of a pump shotgun
Loading one more shell
Filed under Poems
I may not be bilingual
And my accent might be bad
When I speak a foreign language
With the lessons that I’ve had.
Still I claim that I speak Turkish
On my resume at work;
I can say “My owl is well-tempered
“But my bobcat is a jerk”.
Filed under Poems
Do you ever just feel exhausted,
Like you’re sleepwalking while horizontal
But instead of moving around
You sit in a weary font, dull?
And then you’re so tired your mind drifts
And you hallucinate vividly for an hour
And then find yourself in the morning
And you’re rested? That’s my super power!
Filed under Poems
Dinosaurs are cool but not that useful.
Jobs are necessary but lame.
Thus I conclude that paleontologists
Play a very confusing game.
Filed under Poems
They say life is like a box of chocolates
But I think it’s more like a Chinese buffet:
You get to eat as much as you can manage
But if it’s chicken or a puppy, who can say?
Filed under Poems
Sometime in 1988
We finished the political game
And now we’re playing as the final boss
And discovering the devs made him lame.
I move we return to the menu
And delete our saved data, restarting
At the level where we’re naked cave people
And we elect leaders by farting.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 