Today a man who made himself
And all his staff exempt
From being vaccinated
Most audaciously has dreamt
That those who didn’t get a shot
That doesn’t stop the spread
Are somehow the ones responsible
That twelve more folks are dead.
Tag Archives: America
“F*ck Your Freedom” -Howard Stern
Last year we learned about a cold
That you can’t tell if you’ve got
So the only logical thing to do
Is mandate a mystery shot
That does not stop the spreading
Or the catching of diseases
Because, after all, our liberty
Is whatever our overlord pleases.
Just because it caused a clot
That killed my uncle Stu
Doesn’t mean it isn’t something
Everyone must do!
So why not be a good little sheep
And get your Covid shot?
And if you do in the next 12 hours
We’ll give you some free pot!
Filed under Poems
Middle Class White People
Today I drove home on a road full of cracks
Past a tent city filled with the needy
To hear how the state gave 85 billion
To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?
Filed under Poems
The Minority Excel
Plenty of folks can come up with jokes,
But fewer deliver them well,
Many a person can think up a product,
But few of those products can sell,
A whole host can fail at many endeavors
But few of them fail with grace,
And prisons are full of a criminal plenty
But most of them share the same race.
Filed under Poems
Or We Could Just Choose An Animal And Interrupt Your Football Game…
Back when Youtube first began
A bunch of kids created
Videos so funny that
Folks nearly suffocated.
Now, insurance companies
Pay grown-ups lots of money
To make commercial messages
Which somehow still aren’t funny.
If you want to sell me
Some insurance or the like
You should fire your writing staff
And hire some kid named Mike
‘Cause when I see an ad that says
“We’re expensive, we won’t lie
“But we’re not just corporate assholes”
That’s the moment that I’ll buy!
Filed under Poems
There’s One Thing That Matters, And It’s Not Skin
I talk about love
And I talk about life,
How I do honest work
For my kids and my wife,
How I got a step up
From my forefather’s grace,
But what keeps me alive
Is the sweat on my face.
I won’t take a dime
If it hasn’t been earned;
Can’t regret when I failed
Because that’s when I learned.
I can say what I say
With no need for defense
Because what I say
Is just plain common sense.
So if you think I hate
Someone ‘cause they’re not white,
Consider a moment
That you may not be right.
Perhaps I respect
Those who earned their own keep
With an excess of ethics
And an absence of sleep;
Maybe the reason
You’re not on my mind
Is because I’m a doer
And I like my own kind.
You want to be equal?
Well, I want that too.
While I’m out here working
I’ll watch what you do
And when you go home
Having done what you should
You won’t think about race:
You’ll be feeling too good!
Filed under Poems
Schools Now vs. Schools After the Corporate Overlords Quit Hiding
Mom and Dad, guess what! Guess what
I learned today in school!
I learned it doesn’t matter
If you’re smart or fast or cool.
The only thing that matters
Is that you have self-esteem,
And that means that you like yourself
No matter how lame you seem.
Child, child, guess what! Guess what
You’ll learn when you get older?
You can love yourself to death
But still get a cold shoulder
Because what people care about
Is not how you project
But whether or not you’re somebody
Who’s worthy of respect.
Mom and Dad, how can I be
Someone who’s worth respecting
If I’m the sort of guy that I
Would always be rejecting?
Child, child, if you hate
The person that you are
You come to city motors
And you buy a better car!
Filed under Poems
How I Choose To Put Stuff In My Body
You know those ads that run late at night
Where the guy tells you how to solve life
By eating one teaspoon of Stuff every day.
After all, it’s how he found his wife
Even though he was homeless and 300 pounds
And rodents were all he digested
Until he discovered a miracle cure
That one night he just manifested.
It’s a powder with maca, ginseng, beluga,
Alabaster, carnuba, and chives
And though the FDA says it’s not tested at all
It will change many millions of lives!
Well the guy selling Stuff that the FDA doubts
Saying it will make everything great
Has the same credentials as the Covid vaccine
Which is why I personally hesitate.
Filed under Poems
It’s Not About Race; It’s About Culture
Deep in the woods by a little green lake
Lived a man who had never been sad.
His life was just joy from the start to today,
Never once punctuated by bad.
He called the birds and the frogs company
And sang to the wood he would stack…
But all of that changed when he saw CNN
And learned what it meant to be black:
He learned that despite being happy and free
His life was defined by oppression
And how being equal to everyone else
Was the only worthwhile obsession.
He was overwhelmed, shocked even, until
He heard an inspiring call:
He realized he hadn’t voted for Biden
And thus wasn’t black after all!
Filed under Poems
YA Dystopian Epics
Once upon a time
In a far away world
That turns out to be the USA by book 3
A brave young girl
With a stupid name
Becomes an unlikely hero
When she’s mildly inconvenienced
By an otherwise fine totalitarian system.
Alongside her trusty sensitive boyfriend
And the other dude who has no chance
But is still in the book for some reason
She will change the world…
Then she’ll do it again in book 2
In basically the same way
And then there’s a third one
Where the writer basically tells you
“War is bad,” or something
Because you kinda have to keep reading.
Her battle will be legendary
For about ten years
Until the next four-book trilogy releases.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 