Tag Archives: America

July 11, 2019 · 6:38 pm

When You Hate The Haters, You Hate Yourself, But I’m White So I Should Hate Myself Anyway And I’m So Confused…

“Everyone loves our movies”

Said the Disney corporation

As they embarked on making

Their next live-action adaptation.

“The only problem I can see”

Said a modern movie buff

“Is that your previous films

“Don’t hate straight white men enough.”

And so the Disney corporation

Began to turn away

Anyone who wasn’t brown

Or female or gay.

Now the Disney corporation

Isn’t evil, FYI

Despite their CEO Bob Iger

Being an old cis-hetero white guy.

We know he isn’t evil

And his movies aren’t trash

‘Cause anti-white discrimination

Is what brings Disney their cash

And money, after all,

Is what makes the world go round.

(Also, you know who to blame

If I go missing and am never found).

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July 9, 2019 · 9:07 pm

Dialects

In America we spell “color;”

In the UK it is “colour” with a U.

In America it’s “blue”

InFrance it is “bleu.”

In America it’s “Hell;”

In Middle Earth it is “Moria.”

In America it’s “yay;”

In Catholic it is “Gloooooooooooooo,ooooooooooo,ooooo,oooooo…ria!”

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July 4, 2019 · 6:29 pm

Today, In America

The family was gathered,

The chicken was frying,

And somewhere on TV

Our leaders were lying.

I was lighting the fireworks

And feeling just fine

‘Til I held up my fingers

And counted to nine.

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July 3, 2019 · 10:35 pm

The Other Declaration

Tomorrow is independence day

In the United States of A,

When lots of old guys wrote a thing

That basically said “Go suck it, King.”

But it’s a day not just about vacation.

Think of the day before the declaration

When patriots said, on that long past 3rd of July

“Holy crap, my dudes, we gonna die!”

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July 1, 2019 · 2:33 pm

And Then They Hear “Hee, Hee, Hee” And Start Screaming About Representation For Other Pronouns In The Onomatopoeia Of Laughter

California made it illegal

To discriminate based on hairstyle.

This is one of the greatest things

I’ve heard in quite a while

Because, based on liberal input,

I know that all white people are racist

And I’ve developed the ultimate strategy

For cutting my hair on that basis:

It’s illegal to bias one’s choices

For traditional hairstyles of race

Like cornrows or dreadlocks or afros

And because this is the case

I can shave my head to spell letters,

Specifically “I disagree.”

Now watch as the left calls me Hitler

And I just say “Hee, hee, hee.”

Dedicated to Helen, My Evil Stepsister 🙂

Want to suggest a poem topic? Leave a comment or email thedailytravesty@yahoo.com

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June 28, 2019 · 4:43 pm

When You REALLY Don’t Have A Shot With Her

I see a lot of ads these days

When browsing on the net

For Calvin Klein’s new underwear

(I haven’t purchased yet).

Since it’s pride month I get these pics

Of models in a bra.

The caption reads “Proud in my Calvins,”

But I read it as “Hell naw!”

I’m curious if, come July,

We start to see some ads:

“Fruit of the Loom: No fags allowed.”

“Target: For guys with ‘nads.”

“Jesus loves Mack Weldon briefs:

“Wear them or be a sinner.”

“Panties for ladies who realize

“Dildos don’t buy you dinner.”

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June 24, 2019 · 12:30 pm

2020 Voters (And Europe)

I went to college and got a degree

And hoped it would get me a job.

I learned how to drink, put off work and have threesomes,

And be both a loser and snob.

I can write ten page papers with ten words of content

And get booze with no valid ID.

Now I’m an unemployed expert in horticultural psychology

And I think you deserve this for free.

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June 20, 2019 · 10:41 pm

21st Century Facts

95 Americans contracted the plague

From 2000 to 2017

12 of whom have died from it

(At least that we have seen).

It’s amazing that all these years later

The plague is here to stay,

And that it’s death toll is greater

Than all-time ticket sales of the WNBA.

Sources:

https://www.cdc.gov/plague/maps/index.html

(Unfortunately there is no significant data indicating the purchase of one or more tickets to a WNBA event)

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June 9, 2019 · 10:35 am

He’s The Best At Reverse Psychology

If the pro-lifers want to win

They just need Trump to say

“Abortion is a bigly good

“And also I’m a gay.”

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June 4, 2019 · 6:42 pm

Yes, I’m A White Male. Why Do You Ask?

There are as many guns as people

In the USA.

There are more rounds of ammo

Than people in history.

Yet you think murder will stop

If guns go away.

Your method of thinking…

Now that is a mystery!

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