‘Twas the night before football
And men everywhere
Were preparing their lineups
And floofing their chair.
Elsewhere in the house
Was a wife, not yet hiding,
But seeking out places
For comfy abiding,
Retreats where she’ll spend
The next 17 Sundays
Avoiding the shouts.
(Wait, they also play Mondays?)
The refs have made final
The script for the season
Including some muscles
To tear without reason.
Now all of us sigh
As we drift off to bed
Hoping this year the Chiefs
Will get bonked in the head.
Filed under Poems
Happy Monday everyone!
Take a day off! Have some fun!
This is your chance to relax and be free
By sitting for hours and watching TV!
Filed under Poems
There once was a potato named Joe
Who forgot how to talk on a show.
He had a sidekick
Who was black and a chick
And what’s that I hear? Overthrow?
Filed under Poems
There was an affordable city
That wasn’t all dirty and shitty.
Then it made the news
And earned plenty of views
And Californians are coming… a pity!
Filed under Poems
Barbecue at work.
Brought wieners and hot fresh buns.
Now I’m unemployed.
Filed under Poems
When you read a job application
And ask what the position pays
And the interviewer says “It’s minimum wage
“But each year there’s a 3-percent raise!”
Filed under Poems
I have a cat named Marshmallow.
He’s fat, lazy, stupid, and more.
I urge you to write him on your ballot
For president, 2024.
Filed under Poems
I don’t believe in giving the government
Unlimited power to spend
Because what if they give
Drum sets to all who live?
See how badly all this could end?
Filed under Poems
I signed up for a credit card
And I’m going to be rich.
See, the card has special privileges
That’s almost like a glitch:
Every time you spend with it
You get a hundred loyalty bucks
That you can trade for fancy stuff
Like jewelry or Chucks.
Update: It’s been seven months.
I have a billion bucks, and I
Am being tracked by debt collectors
And I need to cry.
It turns out that a billion bucks
Translates to about a dime
And there’s something called an “interest”
That grows a lot with time.
Update: Now my stuff is gone
And I live on the street
With somebody named “Pickle Jim”
And also “Fentanyl Pete.”
I guess the whole “free money” thing
Made me spend a bit too hard
But at least I could exchange my points
For a Visa prepaid card!
Filed under Poems
If I ever try to be president
I’ll be a republican household name
Because if the other sise doesn’t like me
They don’t know how to aim.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 