Tag Archives: Black Humor

If Dr. Seuss Were A Rapper

We are blacks. You are whites.

You deny our human rights.

You can shoot us while we snack.

You can shoot us in the back.

You can shoot us while we sleep

Or brand us as unusual sheep.

We have never met our dad,

But blackness isn’t only bad.

We are physically much bigger

And can call each other the first part of Ryan Higa’s Youtube channel.

Being black is sometimes great.

We get to attend Penn State

Instead of living in a dump,

All because white guys can’t jump.

If you know of current trends

We will steal your girlfriends;

You are white and we are black

And they ain’t ever coming back!

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Go Cry To… Oops

There’s nothing anyone can say

That won’t offend another.

For instance, if you say

That you live with your mother

Women call you loser,

Men will say you suck,

And orphans will be pissed

Because some guys get all the luck.

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Inboxes Be Like…

Hello [Your name misspelled here],

I’m a guy from some website

You visited four years ago

Saying thanks, unless you’re white.

We wanted to inform you

That our service will be paused

To recognize black people

And the trouble they’ve been caused.

We stand in solidarity

With those whose darker skin

Displays they may be poor in wealth

But rich in melanin.

Our shipping will be slower

And our prices will be hiked

To ensure our social media

Is adequately liked.

This is us reminding you

That love will conquer fear.

Also, they burned our storefront down

So please support us here.

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Now I Have An Excuse Never To Run For Public Office!

Here’s to George,

The man who died,

And in so doing

Showed it’s safe outside

To gather en masse

Without pandemic fears.

May he be remembered

When the next “plague” appears!

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Introvert Riots

Today I protested protests

By going to the store,

Putting items in my cart

Which I did then pay for.

I then departed quietly

And went back to my house

Where I tweeted “Peace and love”

Before I beat my spouse.

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Wanna Hang Out?

I said “If”

She said, “Did I tell you about…”

I said “You”

She said “The time I had the doubt…”

I said “Don’t”

“About whether or not…”

I said “Shut”

“This eyeliner makes me hot…”

I said “Up”

“‘Cause I, like, wasn’t totally sure…”

I said “I”

“If this was chic or, like, couture…”

I said “Will”

“So I called my BFF…”

I said “Do”

“And was like, ‘Sup, my broseph…”

I said “What”

“And he was like, ‘Oh girl…”

I said “Epstein”

“That shade of ivory makes me hurl…”

I said “Didn’t.”

She would stop,

Or so I thought;

She kept talking;

I did not.

I hung around;

She tied the knot.

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Biden Dirty

They see me Biden,

Debatin’

And rolling their eyes ’cause I’m so far past thirty!

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

‘Cause I’m just too far past thirty,

I said they ain’t black

Like I’m not

Perhaps ’cause my mind is somewhat less than sturdy!

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy,

My mind is less than sturdy…

‘Cause my mind is leas than sturdy!

Sniffin’ the babies just for fun

While I say you don’t need no gun,

Tellin’ how our country’s run,

Then runnin’ my mouth when it’s said and done.

Tara Reade told some news site

What I did back then was not alright,

But poor kids are just as good as the white.

Good thing Bernie backed away from the fight.

Don’t worry if I’ve got some dementia

‘Cause I’ll designate yo job as essentia’.

Sure my kid’s salary’s preferentia’,

But CNN’s sure to bury the stench, duh.

I love having kids sitting on my lap,

I’ll do Zoom campaigns after my next nap,

You’ll vote for me despite this crap.

By the way, what the heck’s an app?

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Musicians At Nursing Homes Be Like:

I tuned my guitar

Then unplugged the beepy things.

What a quiet crowd…

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So Are The Neighbors Happy Or Not?

I played some screamo-metal music

In my yard the other day.

Now the grass is black,

And the lawn cuts itself, so yay?

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Individuality, But At What Caust?

A black guy names his kid J’Kwon

And no one bats an eye.

In Florida kids are named X-wing

And no one asks them why.

I choose a name like this

For the son I fathered

But when I say “My son, Z’Kyle”

The jews get hot and bothered…

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