If you add “executive” to the front
Or “Coordinator” to the end
Of the title of any job
The message that you send
Is “I could do your job
“But instead I watch and frown
“Because I make twice your salary
“And why isn’t your noise more brown?”
Tag Archives: Cynical
If Timmy Were Trans, This Would Still Be In Your School’s Library
Timmy wasn’t happy.
Timmy threw a fit.
Timmy is annoying.
He’s a little piece of shit.
Timmy has a blanket
That teacher took away.
Timmy started crying
‘Cause he’s dumb and fat and gay.
The office called Ms. Timmy
And said “your son is sad”.
Ms. Timmy said, “He should be
“‘Cause he never met his dad.”
Then Timmy got a rifle
From the democratic party
And he took a shot at Donald
And now they call him “Smarty.”
Filed under Poems
Two Birds, One Stone, Bipartisan Support?
Some say energy should be solar.
Some say nuclear is the way.
How much electricity does burning sex offenders produce?
Just a thought… but affordable, eh?
Filed under Poems
What Makes An Artist Successful?
The important part of making art
May be your visible passion
Whether for painting, poetry,
Sculpture, dance, or fashion.
It may be skill, in motion or still,
Technique from masters past…
But I think it’s knowing a millionaire
Who needs tax write-offs fast!
Filed under Poems
Little Did We Know, Fido Was The Lucky One
The fact it’s been 24 hours
Since our commander-in-chiefs-to-be stood
And spoke live in front of the nation
About everything they think is good
And all we remember is laughing
At foreigners eating a pet
Is a sign of the fun we’ll be having
In the bunkers without internet.
Filed under Poems
Debate Recap 2024
So Tuesday night on ABC
Two candidates arrived
And competed for whose speeches
Sounded the least contrived.
Some faces asked them questions
Which neither deigned to answer.
It assured me of my decision:
That it’s time to vote for cancer.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, Why Can’t We Just Have Attractive White People Starring In Original Stories With No Agenda?
There once wasn’t a modern crowd
Compelled to cheer out loud
For a diversity quota,
Caring even one iota
That the princess was now unibrowed.
Filed under Poems
America’s Sport Is Back! (In Brazil?)
‘Twas the night before football
And men everywhere
Were preparing their lineups
And floofing their chair.
Elsewhere in the house
Was a wife, not yet hiding,
But seeking out places
For comfy abiding,
Retreats where she’ll spend
The next 17 Sundays
Avoiding the shouts.
(Wait, they also play Mondays?)
The refs have made final
The script for the season
Including some muscles
To tear without reason.
Now all of us sigh
As we drift off to bed
Hoping this year the Chiefs
Will get bonked in the head.
Filed under Poems
The Great Reset
Sometime in 1988
We finished the political game
And now we’re playing as the final boss
And discovering the devs made him lame.
I move we return to the menu
And delete our saved data, restarting
At the level where we’re naked cave people
And we elect leaders by farting.
Filed under Poems
Apple: Because I Chose It When I Was 12 And It’s Too Late Now
For a few months my iPhone
Had eight hours of life between charges,
Then the next model released
And my phone bill suddenly enlarges.
Oh, an update to iOS x+1?
That sounds like an important step.
Did it drop my battery life by 20 percent?
Unsurprisingly, that’s a big “yep”.
“It’s ok”, says my telephone rep.
“You can upgrade today for free.
“You’ll just change your phone number
“And sign here in blood
“And pay for 69 months interest-free!”
And so, in a rage, I go shopping
For whatever Android people buy,
Then I remember how all my app data
Only works if my phone has an “i”
And I slink to my room where my charger
Sits happily waiting to go.
I’ll repeat this emotional process
Every year for a lifetime or so.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 