Two-Thousand Twenty-Five years ago
Judas told Jesus “YOLO”
But Jesus, lacking any fear
Said “Judas, my brudda, holdeth my beer.”
Tag Archives: Easter
Finally Some Recognition!
‘Twas the day after Easter
And the kids were off school
Eating copious sugar
And emitting much drool
When a rabbit emerged
And said “Sorry I’m late!”
Then he hid eggs all over
And hopped over the gate.
The children tried chasing,
But bunnies are fast…
Then it dawned on a child
Who whispered at last
“If the bunny came here
“Today, who was that
“Who brought candy yesterday?”
Thus smiled the Easter Rat.
Filed under Poems
A Very Heartfelt Easter Poem
Happy bunny day today
To those who hunt for eggs and pray
And also Lent is done so yay!
That’s all I’ve got, so go away.
Filed under Poems
Also, Jesus I Guess?
Tomorrow’s a day of new life,
Promising Earth without strife
Then we hide unborn fowls
And add weight to our jowls
Then we eat the mascots with a knife.
Filed under Poems
CNN, 1 AD
Almost two weeks have passed
Since the “King of the Jews”
Awoke from the dead after three days
And made international news.
After promising forgiveness
Of all humans and departing,
Mumblings of discontent
From sinners have been starting.
“I wanted to retire
“Somewhere warm,” one sinner said,
“But now I have to worry
“About grace and s**t instead.”
“I’m pissed about redemption,”
Another man commented.
“What about my right to be
“Eternally tormented?”
In fact it seems that since the day
That Jesus pulled a “Nope”
And ascended into Heaven
To give the humans hope
Everyone’s been angry.
“I’m upset,” one human mused.
Tomorrow: “Why all the good men suck”
Right here on Nightly News.
This post was sponsored in part by Serpent Apple Company. Just one bite can change your life!
Filed under Poems
Ham Covered In Sugar, Anyone?
Easter is the day a rabbit brings
Chocolate, eggs, and other things
To all the children with rich parents
And even to the folks named Clarence.
The bunny is a major hit
Among the kids for bringing shit.
They do not know it’s master plan…
The pigs do, and they’re not a fan.
Filed under Poems
An Eggxcellent… Oh, Nevermind…
I meant to write a verse that’s funny
Involving Jesus and a bunny.
Alas, the laughter all was cheap
And so I left without a peep.
Filed under Poems
Egg On His Face
Judas betrayed Jesus,
Really gave him the shaft.
Judas said “YOLO,”
And Jesus just laughed.
Filed under Poems
It’s A Matter Of Efficiency, Really
Today is Easter, as you know.
It’s also April Fool’s Day.
I think those go together
As they celebrate the way
That Jesus was all dead and stuff
And then suddenly he wasn’t.
The two holidays make sense to me
Because the whole “not dead” thing doesn’t.
What also doesn’t make much sense
Is a question of this kind:
It’s that God sacrificed himself
To appease himself I mind.
Not only that, but if it’s true
That Jesus isn’t dead
Then why not find another way
To cure one’s Godly head?
It seems if you’re omnipotent
You could just say “hey folks,
“Get your shit together”
Instead of the “oops, not dead yet” jokes.
But I am just a human
And can’t be my own son
So I’ll just eat my chocolate eggs
And let His will be done.
Filed under Poems
Jesus, Night Owl
On the morning of the third day
Since Jesus died for our sins
He said “I waiteth to push the boulder
“Until the afternoon begins.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 