There once were the Seahawks on Monday
And we hoped it would end a fun day,
But the offense was off
And perfect was Goff…
At least it’s the Giants on Sunday!
Tag Archives: Humor
Games, Then And Now
Games Now
So each of you has a unique lord
That determines if you place your board
At the forest’s edge or river’s ford
Before you fight the endless hoard.
On your turn, you have three actions
To influence the seven factions
Through use of normal or dire impactions…
Oops! Here’s the glossary of contractions.
So, then, after the action phase
You choose which players fold or raise
And the loser of the wager pays
To choose which opponent the goblin slays.
Repeat like this for three more rounds
Until the hoard no longer abounds
At which point we imitate the sounds
Of the wyverns fleeing from the grounds.
The winner is the player who’s
Captured the most opponent’s clues
Without revealing their unique ruse
And after paying union dues.
Games Then
So you roll a pair of dice
And you move that many squares
And you pay each other money
Until no one really cares.
Filed under Poems
2054: After Gen Alpha Parents Decided That Names With Letters Are Racist…
A # walked into a bar
Where an ! and a & are.
They met up with $
And the bartender hollered
“We don’t tolerate that $&#! here.”
Filed under Poems
To All Of The Unsuccessful Influencers
If you ever feel like a failure
Know that someone made a living
From that video of Grandpa
Getting drunk that one Thanksgiving
But your video of falling
Off a bridge ain’t got no views…
So yeah, you fail at failing,
But isn’t that good news?
Filed under Poems
Vineyard Aftermath (The Other Kind)
There’s a satisfying “thump”
As a bunch of grapes you dump
Into a yellow plastic bucket
On a sunny afternoon.
There’s a feeling of achievement
When you cause a grape bereavement
Because you tore it from its vineyard
And it will be grape juice soon.
There’s a warmth that lingers on
Your neck until the dawn:
It’s a sunburn you predicted
But did nothing to prevent.
One of these lasts longer,
Is visible, and is stronger
And I’ll think about it next time
Before to picking I consent.
Filed under Poems
Somewhere, A Lawyer Is Crying
If you never wear black clothes
And walk through parking lots at night
While making deep eye contact
With your cell phone, you just might
Never get to call your lawyer
And get ten-mil in compensation
For no reason other than
Having your legs lose all sensation.
Filed under Poems
What Makes An Artist Successful?
The important part of making art
May be your visible passion
Whether for painting, poetry,
Sculpture, dance, or fashion.
It may be skill, in motion or still,
Technique from masters past…
But I think it’s knowing a millionaire
Who needs tax write-offs fast!
Filed under Poems
I Can Add “Princess Coach” To My Resumé Now
One of the benefits of being a poet
Is apparently you qualify
To go to a local high school
And coach (read “attempt to mollify”)
Some local pageant princesses
Who have to learn a speech
Because if you know English
You do not do; You teach!
Filed under Poems
Four Years Is A Long Time To Not Be Held Accountable
If we held an election
Every 3 months, I’ve found
That three months before each election
The price of gas would go down,
Mortgage and interest rates lower,
Groceries cost less to buy,
And if your candidate loses
You only suffer three months of “that guy.”
Filed under Poems
What Turning 30 Feels Like
I awoke with crack and a groan
In a house where I live on my own.
I ate soup from a can
‘Cause I’m an old man
And I still use a rotary phone.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 