The school buses are back on the roads
And people are not happy.
They carry children by the loads
And make the traffic crappy.
What if instead of the buses
All the kids just stayed home sick?
Sure, the minuses outweigh the pluses
But the traffic would go quick!
Filed under Poems
Men, you probably know by now
About romantic passion,
And how the ambiance before
Takes quite a bit to fashion.
One must say the secret words
To snare a woman’s heart
And have stamina and strength enough
To delay that tempting fart.
Tonight I learned another step
That our ancestors did
That promoted procreation:
They closed the piano keyboard lid.
Alas, I lacked their wisdom
And an Earth that might have shaken
Is now not more than legend
Thanks to the route the cat has taken.
Filed under Poems
Women will talk to their friends
About what their friends would say
If they knew what someone whose not their friend
Said “Hi” instead of “Hey”.
They’ll whisper all about a person’s
Clothes or hair or walk.
Guys don’t have this problem
Because male friends don’t talk.
When someone says “When was your last shower”
And you honestly can’t remember
That’s what most folks call “disgusting.”
I call it “September”.
Filed under Poems
I love how someone decided
That they could just combine
Two words and make another word
And act like it was fine.
So came about such portmanteaus
As “Sandpaper” and “Sweatshirt”,
And even though no harm was done
I’m feeling kind of butt-hurt.
And how come some compound words
Need to be hyphenated?
Like cross-eye, but not loveseat?
Is anyone else devastated?
Apparently the jury’s out
And no one cares but me.
I think I’ll solve this once and for all
By founding Germany.
Filed under Poems
He’s standing on the sidewalk
Dancing with a sign
Because the company on the corner
Wants more people to be buyin’.
He’s singing to the hip-hop song
That only he can hear
Until his phone says 5:00 O’clock
And he can disappear.
His spirit’s probably broken
And he really has to pee,
But at least he makes more money
Than I do with poetry.
Filed under Poems
Have you ever noticed
How a cat can lie down
On any surface at all
And just go to town,
Floppy, relaxed,
Happy as can be
On the edge of a bed
Or the top of a TV?
I wish I had the power
To flop anywhere
And be totally comfy
And free of all care
But instead I’m in bed now
And my heart rate is spiking
Because my pillow’s a little
Too warm for my liking…
Filed under Poems
Today I watched a once great team
Catch on fire, but die as steam,
Lead on offense by a bust
Who makes us say “In Smith We Trust.”
On the flip side now I know
How Michael Jackson puts on a show.
Do we suck? Yeah, probably!
But I still love the hawks, so whee!
Filed under Poems
Two tiny dancing flames,
Twin wicks of a pink candle
That smells like the ocean,
Flickering, twisting,
Casting their glow on the ceiling,
Inspiring the curtains to surrender
And burst into their own dancing flames.
Soon the carpet dances
And the furniture and the lawn.
A pretty red truck arrives,
Singing a merry two-note song
And the men from the calendar
Let water join the festivity.
Somewhere nearby, a cat
Sits in a tree, unrescued
While the humans are upset
And the flames cherish the day,
Their last and finest,
Until the next little candle hosts a ball.
Broken pottery
By the lawn I haven’t mown
And my old blue truck;
Living comfortably
And all that I sacrificed
Was my lofty goals.
Then a cool pillow
When I wake and feel refreshed
Like when I was young;
That ginger sunrise
Isn’t unattainable
If I love enough.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 