The zookeeper likes animals
But ends up shoveling poo.
The librarian likes books
But tells the homeless people “shoo”.
The teacher wants to help kids
But the principal says no.
The customer service rep
Ran out of dreams three shifts ago.
Meanwhile, in my living room
I turn my camera off on Zoom
And watch Youtube while bosses talk
Of how to raise the price of stock.
Filed under Poems
Styrofoam peanuts
Plus some sugar and orange paint:
Still in business how?
Filed under Poems
I think we need a reverse Make-a-Wish
Where kids with cancer go see
Some self-absorbed millionaire bozos
Who’re all caught up in “poor me”,
And little bald Kaleb can smile
And give Mr. Rich a high five.
If we do this enough they might donate stuff
And the cancer kids might stay alive.
Filed under Poems
So today I went out to eat
And a rainbow was on my receipt.
Inspired, I resolved
To not get involved
Buying anything ‘til I feel July’s heat.
Filed under Poems
“Nothing gold can stay“
Is another way to say
If you’re male and not gay
You’re gonna have to pay.
Filed under Poems
I sing of a coin called a penny
Whose value was just less than “any”.
It was cash, free and legal, and yet it
Was not worth the effort to get it.
If it’s true what the president hinted
No longer will such coins be minted
And I for one ponder this pickle:
Will folks still pay for a souvenir nickel?
Filed under Poems
When I get rich, I want to buy
All the ads for my favorite shows
And just put a 3-second picture up
To make sure everyone knows
That the reason you don’t have to watch
A billion stupid ads
Is because I’m rich and I think they suck
So enjoy the bandwidth, lads!
There once was a form called the FAFSA
Which asked for my tax info. Laughs, ya?
Then my wife had to say
That yes, I did pay,
All to get zero money. That’s a gaffe-sa!
Filed under Poems
Thanks to fluorescent lighting
You see a hundred smiling faces
Of a hundred unhappy people
Just covering their bases.
There’s a slideshow on the laptop
That was made the night before
That will make investors happy
And will make the buyers poor.
The conference room has donuts
And the chairs are soft and red
And you eat the sweet, admit defeat,
And notice that you’re dead.
But if you have a family,
A student, and a friend,
And half as many fucks to give
You’ll know its not the end
But instead you’ll move toward the light
In the corner of the page
And start to live the life you had
When you still knew your age.
So a friend of mine got kidnapped
And they sent a ransom link.
It said “click here to see the ransom price”.
I’ll never see him again, I think.
Filed under Poems
