I wonder who the first guy was
Who picked up a guitar
And swung his hand so randomly
With the amp amped-up too far
And made that overdriven sound
Whose chord’s identity is gone
And said, “Instead of writing songs
“Just play that from now on.”
Tag Archives: poems
Cause and Effect
Birthday cake is good.
Every day someone is born.
Ergo: I am fat.
Filed under Poems
News I Learned From Memes Interpreted As A Haiku Because Thursday
Trump’s on Epstein’s list.
Someone’s gun went boom too soon.
England’s a hellhole.
Filed under Poems
My Favorite Superhero
We’ve got people addicted to drugs,
Alcohol, porn, and their phones
Yet my cat hears someone say “pspspspsps”
And just feels content deep in his bones.
Filed under Poems
A Practical Alternative to Thoughts and Prayers
I think we need a reverse Make-a-Wish
Where kids with cancer go see
Some self-absorbed millionaire bozos
Who’re all caught up in “poor me”,
And little bald Kaleb can smile
And give Mr. Rich a high five.
If we do this enough they might donate stuff
And the cancer kids might stay alive.
Filed under Poems
Amusing Musings In A World Without Muses Blues
Today I got up early
Around 5:00 AM or so. Um,
I spent my morning working
But not writing a poem.
I ate my lunch and read a book
With my mind never immersed
In considering a meter
Nor its counterpart of verse.
This evening after dinner
I took a shower hot
And massaged my wife’s posterior
Without a single thought
Regarding writing poetry,
Yet presently I’m writing it
So if you’d beat your writer’s block
Perhaps you should stop fighting it.
Filed under Poems
Cosmic Injustice
Mercury has thermometers.
Venus has carnivorous plants.
Mars has chocolate candy
But Earth gets freakin’ ants?!
Filed under Poems
Frodo’s Notes In The Margin
“Bring the ring to Mordor, kid”
Gandalf told me and so I did.
It caused me scars that forever linger,
Mostly that I can’t give Gandalf the finger.
Filed under Poems
Thanks, Millennials
If you’d like a hamburger
It only costs a dollar.
If you want cheese on it
It’ll cost you dollars two.
Want to add some bacon?
That’s two dollars fifty.
Want some avacado?
Your firstborn kid will do.
Filed under Poems
Still Better Than JJ Abrams
Did you hear about the filmmaker
Named “Very Clumsy Greg”
Who was famous on the set
For always hurting his leg?
Well, one day during filming
As a scene was to begin
He said, “Lights”, then he said “camera”,
And then he said, “Ack! Shin!”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 