Sometimes I wonder about the guy
Who took the default background photos
Or composed the ringtones for the popular phones
Or wrote the “you’re on hold” jazz
And I wonder if they are proud
Or ashamed of what they’ve created,
Sort of like the nuclear bomb
But without the violence
And they can watch anime in peace.
What is a horse other than a unicorn
That doesn’t have a shiny horn
Or wings or pink hair or magical power
And never, ever takes a shower?
So why would you ever want a horse
When a unicorn is better with no recourse?
The answer, dear reader, in case you are stumped
Is precisely why even Tom Brady gets dumped.
Filed under Poems
Sure, falling in love is satisfying
But have you ever had a poop where you thought
Everything in life was good again?
Apparently the music business has not.
Filed under Poems
I’ve invented a new cocktail
That’s a lot like a White Russian
But without the vodka, liqueur, cream, or ice.
It’s called a “Political Discussion”.
Filed under Poems
There comes a time in every man’s life
Where he is trapped with his female kin
And there’s crying and talking and crafting galore
And he’s trying his best to fit in
But after an hour of trying to talk
And solve problems, he has an epiphany:
His life as he knows it is over because
He hit on a waitress named Tiffany…
Filed under Poems
I think the government should give everyone
A tiger to keep as a pet. Sure,
A lot of dumb people might become Fancy Feast
But traffic would be so much better!
Filed under Poems
With people being all concerned
About AI taking over these days
I think I have a solution
To combat the malaise:
Instead of names like “Cleverbot”,
Or “Alexa”, we can swerve
And name all robots “Killmonger 3000”
And we’ll trust them as much as they deserve.
Filed under Poems
I wish we called colors by animal names
Because it’s infinitely more awesome
To paint a car shark instead of just grey
Or pour cream ‘til your coffee is possum.
Filed under Poems
There once was a gap in a resumé
That occurred when the candidate was away
‘Cause when you’ve had enough crap
Turns out a resumé gap
Can be just what you need. Okay?
Filed under Poems
I’m on bad wifi
Trying to publish a post
But I think it might…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 