Once some Spartans got bored
And one of them grabbed a sword.
They said “We can stab you
“Or instead spear you too”
And thus democracy was restored.
Tag Archives: Poetry
THIS! IS! ZEROPERCENTBODYFAT…IMEANSPARTA
Tonight we watched 300
(My wife and I, that is).
I learned of Leonidas
And the courage that was his
To lead a band of brothers
To their deaths love and freedom.
My wife also enjoyed the abs
And told me that I need ‘em.
Filed under Poems
Millennial Fantasies 2: The Great Reset
They’ve already invented a time machine.
I’m as sure of this as I’ve ever been.
The reason it isn’t a feature today
Is because all the time travelers went away
To a time when a house was only 10k
And your wife could stay home with a kid on the way,
When votes were counted, voices were heard,
There wasn’t a World War (let alone a third).
They traveled and traveled and stopped at a time
Where telling the truth wasn’t punished as crime.
I just hope when they stopped is an age that will last
And will be in our future instead of our past.
Filed under Poems
Better Safe Than Sorry
I’m living life in such a way
That if anybody would
Try to steal my brain for science
Science would say, “No thanks, I’m good.”
Filed under Poems
Socialism
If at first you don’t succeed
Claim that you have higher need
Then take your handouts from the gov
‘Til bombs start dropping from above.
Filed under Poems
What’s Trending?
The most popular names of 2023
Were Olivia and Oliver.
I can’t wait ‘til gen Alpha has kids
And those names become “Bigtiddygoth” and “Watermoliver“.
Filed under Poems
Sort Of A Sh**y Contract…
There once was an immortal deity
Who in a moment of gaiety
Said “Make them eat every day
“And then poop it away”
And angels sighed and said “So may it be.”
Filed under Poems
If You Don’t Think This Poem Rhymes, You’re A Racist
We were born in an America
Where if you TP a house
You’re arrested not for vandalism
But for cultural appropriation
Since some white chick heard “teepee”
And her grandmother was 1/8th Cherokee
And African Americans invented toilet paper
So you’re screwed either way.
Filed under Poems
An Interview With Our Water Heater Last Night
They told me “Sit in the basement”.
They asked me to heat their water.
They failed to think of what happens
If my willpower starts to totter,
If the pressure gets to be too much
And I blow my top all over them.
Well, I’ll show them a hard time
Tomorrow morning at 4:00ish AM!
Filed under Poems
You Didn’t Even Notice The $177,000,000,000 Extra Debt Since The First Verse (And Therein Lies The Problem)
One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven million seven-hundred fifty-four thousand one-hundred eighty-two dollars we owe!
One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven million seven-hundred fifty-four thousand one-hundred eighty-two dollars…
Take a vote
For a promissory note
One-hundred trillion one-hundred seventy-seven billion seven-hundred eighty-one million three-hundred twenty-five thousand and change that we owe!
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 