If you make a very realistic movie
About a very unpleasant reality
You’ll make a very terrible piece of art
That will inevitably do well on IMDB.
Tag Archives: Poetry
Thank You Blink Cameras! (Not Sponsored, But Send Me Money Anyway)
It’s fun to be “Big Brother”
When you use your security cam
To watch your kitty on the couch
When you’re away visiting the fam.
It’s funny to spy on kitty
Even though kitty mostly sleeps.
I’ve realized my life is drama free…
And also perhaps we’re creeps?
Filed under Poems
But We’re Only 138 Minutes In!
When vision of the kingdom darkens
A call to rest echoes in halls of men.
The comforts of the evening nether harken
For to lengthy sleep we’re called again.
We shall not argue with the calling;
We shall not raise a blade to fight;
Instead our bodies start their falling
Into the cold embrace of night.
“Must this end in such a manner”
Asks my voice, naive and weak.
“Obey my call”, says the lady of the manor
And so follows the man, exhausted, meek.
Thus was my evening when my wife said
“Turn off Return of the King and come to bed.”
Filed under Poems
How She Shows Her Love
My wifey loves me uber much.
She said that I am cute.
She called me such a such and such
And catcalled my patoot.
She thinks my face is epic
And my body makes her flustered
And she’s making me a sandwich
With only mayonnaise and mustard.
Filed under Poems
Guest Poem by POTUS
I will start by saying
Haikus have five syllables
In the first and third lines.
Filed under Poems
Doggy DNA Tests (Or The National Origin Of The Chihuahua)
Huskies are Siberian.
Great Danes are German.
I’m not sure about yours though
Cause it’s merely a vermin.
Filed under Poems
Ballad Of The First Dude In The Epic War Sequence Who Gets Shot And Falls From A High Place Just Before The Soundtrack Starts
There once was a warrior from Lo
Who’d a habit of stubbing his toe.
He could not help but feel
‘Twas his Achilles heel…
But nope! He died by arrow.
Filed under Poems
A Winter’s Tune
When your heart calls to its pair
Through the rime of Winter’s air
Be sure it’s cry is strong and true
So its twin may sing to you.
But should your heart’s dear, after pause,
Sing “I saw mommy kissing Santa Clause”
You may be wise to weave and sway
Then run like Hell the other way.
Filed under Poems
Situational Awareness
If you ever see an orphan
In Gotham after dark
You should take off your spandex
And find somewhere else to park.
Filed under Poems
Career Limitations
There was a race car driver from Leyte
Who suffered a terrible plight:
He was the world’s best
But for one crucial test:
He only knew how to turn right.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 