There once was a magical hero
Who divided the whole world by zero.
Trof huaknr jshfl ej
Helfpbe nfhoshe nej
Htppbej jfhw jfjr yeega beero.
Tag Archives: Postaday
Someone You Know Is Pedantically Screaming “It’s A Crustacean, Not A Fish!”
I think on behalf of those born between
Late June and late July
We need to recognize their pain
And ask the question why
Their star sign is a great disease
(And a pretty boring fish).
I think the other stat signs
Should be diseases too. I wish
That some day in the future
Someone will die of Libra
And we’ll recognize that Cancer
Is a constellation of a zebra.
Filed under Poems
The Game Changed Me…
I played a game of Monopoly
And the reactions spanned quite a panoply.
I bankrupted my friends
‘Cause means justify ends…
Now I’ve a monocle and I act foppily.
Filed under Poems
Hot In More Ways Than One?
I asked how hot the weather was
On a scale of one to ten,
But apparently that’s boring
So I rephrased and asked again:
“On a scale that starts at Poop
“And goes until my Sadie Sink
“How hot is it?” They said “Satan’s balls”
And now I don’t know what to think…
Filed under Poems
An Alternative To The Lemonade Stand
When you experience the Summer
And it’s so hot that you say “Bummer”
I have a solution to your caper:
A fan made from some folded paper!
You can make your own cool Heaven
From a folded eight-and-a-half by eleven
That you swing repeatedly at your face
And hope you cause air to displace.
This air will make your sweat go poof
And you go from hot to cool, aloof.
Buy one now! They’re really nifty!
Or buy two for just $18.50!
Filed under Poems
An Important Choice
If I were a chess piece
I think I be a rook
Because I sit in corners
If just to read a book,
I like to walk in long straight lines
And don’t think it’s a hassle
When somebody mistakenly
Refers to me as “Castle.”
I’m not pious for bishopping,
Too smart to be a pawny thing,
I lack the boobs to be a queen
Or the balls to be a king…
So it’s either rook, or else a knight
Who’s called a horse sometimes…
Actually, I’m not hung like a rook…
I’m changing my choice. This line rhymes.
Filed under Poems
Yeah… No Comment
This poem isn’t very deep
Because I need to fall asleep.
Tomorrow I’ll do it earlier,
Like a man who goes to the gym at 5:00 AM to get burlier.
Filed under Poems
A Hallmark Card For Long-Distance Relationships
Hey girl! Are you a sitting duck
Or you the broadside of a barn
Or another easy-target such-and-such?
You’re amazing and you’re super
And I feel like a storm trooper
‘Cause it’s crazy, missing you this much.
Filed under Poems
The Downside Of A Big Cock
If chickens were the size of whales
We’d cure hunger with one egg.
No one would ever starve again
Or ever have to beg.
We’d have a peaceful planet
With everything we need
Until we learn the bitter truth:
We’d soon be chicken feed…
An Old Norse Melody
Odinny boy, the vikes, the vikes are calling
From sea to sea and to Valhalla’s shore.
They’re very drunk, and stock of mead is falling
And so they pray you’ll bless them now with more.
But come ye back when sunlight’s in the meadow
Or when your subjects lounge out on the fjord
And talk to me, future irrev’rant poet
In case you’re done fighting and very, very bjord.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 