I found what I thought was a condor
That was terribly sick with the flu.
But my asian vet said, “That’s ill eagle”
And now I don’t know what to do…
Tag Archives: Postaday
Towers of Solitude Circa 2020 (Dragons Not Included)
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who’s the fairest of them all?
Sorry princess, I can’t say…
Your credit card expired today.
Mirror, mirror of denial,
What about my winning smile?
Princess, although my heart leapt
That’s not a payment I accept.
Mirror, mirror I don’t know,
I’ve got a new email so…
fancychick@web.net
Want a two-week free trial of the best mirror yet?
The Debate Is Over
Childbirth is painful for women
And ball-kickage is painful for men
But after it’s done only one
Waits teo years, then says “Do it again!”
Filed under Poems
Golf
Little ball of plastic
I hit into a hole:
It takes me many tries
To once achieve my goal.
I then repeat the process
Seventeen more times.
This sport is very stupid
But hey, the poem rhymes!
Filed under Poems
Too Old
When I am too old to dream,
My mouth too old to smile,
I’ll place my hand upon the land
And feel the Earth a while.
Upon my skin, too loose to shape,
I’ll feel the critters crawl,
Relearning birth through mother Earth
And joy in being small.
I’ll feel the weeds begin to grow
O’er feet too slow to flee
And feel at peace as I release
What I mistook as me.
I’ll look upon my old abode
With eyes I’ve never known,
Then look on all that dared to crawl
And all that’s ever flown,
To use the sight I once ignored
Or else dismissed in haste
And understand ’twas not my hand
On which the insects paced,
‘Twas not my flesh I left behind,
‘Twas not my body gone,
But merely tools to comfort fools
Before their moving on.
When I am both too old to dream
And old enough to go
I’ll make my lair in everywhere
Until you say hello.
Filed under Poems
How To Gracefully Excuse Yourself From A Social Event
If you are called at host’s behest
To play the role of honored guest
And feel perhaps a little stressed
Then heed this wisdom I think best:
First, if you need not prevent
Your presence at the said event
Then notice how your time is spent
And be amazed how fast it went,
But if instead you wish to flee
You’re wise indeed to contact me
For ’tis amazing what you’ll see
If you, for just a moment, pee.
If urination’s not your style
Another way to leave a while
Is to enter, wave, and smile
And call out as a greeting, “Heil!”
If these two tips do not work out
Don’t underestimate a pout,
For dourness beyond a doubt
Is a fair way to thumb one’s snout.
Urine, Nazi, or be sullen:
All are safe ways to be cullen,
So brand yourself ein angsty creep
And thou shall glow from longer sleep!
Filed under Poems
Sometime In The 1800’s Maybe?
Once upon a time
A guy tried something new
For no reason besides
To see what stuff would do.
Afterwards he used
What he found as an appliance
And thus was born the toaster
And, with it, modern science.
Why Amazon Makes Billions A Day
Sam was 28 years old,
Had never seen the sun,
Had never eaten chocolate,
Never had any fun,
Had never hugged a puppy
And got stung by a bee
And he’s telling the cashier about it
Right in front of me…
Filed under Poems
Last Save: 7:59 Am -Pompeii, 79 AD…
This is the point in history
Where things aren’t going well,
But you aren’t very worried yet
Because you know a spell
That opens up a menu
Where you reload your latest save
And go back to start on easy mode
Instead of to your grave.
Filed under Poems
Researching Self-Control
If I had a potato chip
For every theory that made sense
I’d have a much larger stomach
And not a lot of evidence…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 