Tag Archives: Postaday

The Rest Is How To Playjurize Wikipedia Without Getting Cot

Ten persent of school

Is lurning how to get along.

Forty-two persent

Is lurning that you spelled stuph rong.

Maybe five persent

Is how to fill your plate and cup.

The other eighty-five persent

Is how to add things up.

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At Least JP Had Good Music…

A guy got an idea

To raise monsters from the dead

And show them to the public

Without approval from the Fed.

It all went wrong and people died;

Observers doffed their hats.

Is this the film Jurassic Park

Or behind the scenes of Cats?

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Invertebrates and “Whatever You Want”ers Beware

Whether people treat you badly

Or whether they treat you fine

Is directly correlated

To your possession of a spine.

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Which Is Worse: English Spelling or This Poem?

There once was a man from Saigon

Who needed to mow his lawn.

He saw someone wan

And asked “Genghis Khan?”

But it was just his neighbor, Sean.

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Wealth is a Problem

I sleep on a bed of money

But still no one respects me

‘Cause I pay my bills with tiny beds

As my conscience directs me.

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Happy Valentine’s Everyone!

Today I’m writing poems

To folks I’ve never met

Because the woman that I love

Has not existed yet.

Why I am alone tonight

I surely understand,

But no man can be lonely

When he has his own right hand.

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Approach Anxiety – Power Metal Version

My feelings unspoken

Are like chains unbroken:

Restraining. Containing

The beast locked within.

To have them be heard…

A heart turned to word…

Uncurtained, uncertain

Of where to begin.

I know I can’t fight

The coming of night.

I don’t know what’s right

When I hear you coming.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Into the land of numbing.

I look in your hazel eyes

Hoping this feeling dies

But the beast smells a feast

And my heart needs to roar.

Steel bars start to bend

And I cannot contend

So I do what feels true:

Let the beast break down the door.

I knew not to fight

The coming of night.

I did what felt right

When I heard you calling.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day.

I’ll continue this way

Though it feels like falling.

The cage opens wide,

Lets the monster outside.

The beast is released

And it pounces on you.

But claw scratches steel;

How can this be real?

Could it be, just like me,

There’s a beast inside you?

I welcome our fight

In the coming of night.

Can’t know that I’m right

But it’s worth the gamble.

Who knows what I’ll say

When night turns to day

But I no longer hide

For lack of preamble.

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Cowboy Boots

Somebody said: Let’s make a shoe

That doesn’t have to be tied,

That you can wear for a night on the town

Or when on a horse you ride

That’s made from an alligator’s flesh

And comes with loud, stabby heels,

Plus make it the only kind of shoe

For which there are no online deals!

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Nursing Home Rhymes

I’ve got dandruff on my shins…

That’s not where it goes!

Know I need some Head and Shoulders

For between my knees and toes.

——————————————————–

To get 8 hours of sleep at night

I do whatever it takes,

By which I mean taking 10-minute naps

Between my bathroom breaks.

——————————————————–

Twinkle twinkle little star

Way above my little car,

Shining in my optic nerve

Making me violently swerve.

Twinkle twinkle little star

On the badge of officer Barr.

I sang him “YMCA.”

Why’d he take my license away?

Twinkle twinkle little star…

Crap, I left my teeth in the car!

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Celebrity Weddings

With persiflage they pledged

To be true what was alleged.

With mockery they both

Laid down their sacred oath.

She had money on the mind;

He had eyes on her behind.

Thus, with one all-sealing kiss

Began six days of wedded bliss.

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