I noticed just this morning
My blog was visited six times:
Six people clicked to read how I
Come up with stuff that rhymes.
But it was the next statistic
That gave me a miscue:
Though I’d had six visitors
I’d only had one view.
At first I was astonished,
Then delight bloomed from surprise:
Six people came to see my blog
And five had closed their eyes!
I thought I’d gotten softer
The longer I wrote here
But I repulsed 5/6ths of viewers
And that brings me much good cheer.
Filed under Poems
While fighting with my neighbor
I shouted “You can’t spell stupid without ‘U.'”
He shouted his retort to me:
“There’s ‘I’ in stupid too!”
Filed under Poems
Hip-o’s are animals.
Neck-o’s are candy.
Knee-o’s “The One”
And Leg-o’s are dandy.
Elbow-o’s are redundant.
I-o’s admit debt.
That’s all the body-part-o’s
That tonight you’ll get.
Filed under Poems
It is late and I am tired.
“Deinonychus” is hard to rhyme.
This poem was by my mom inspired
And now, luckily, I’m out of time.
Filed under Poems
I think the USA should change
Their national anthem to
Taylor Swift’s rendition of
“Look what you made me do.”
It would soothe racial tensions
And bring the unity we lack
‘Cause everyone would kneel
And beg the feds to change it back.
Filed under Poems
I didn’t put my firearms
In a baby-proof safe. I’m not stupid!
I just wanted to give the world
A much more dangerous cupid.
Filed under Poems
I got a letter from a woman:
“I’m not pretty,” she wrote.
I wrote back “That’s okay.
“I once f***ed a goat.”*
Believe it or not
She never wrote back.
It seems my sage wisdom
Got her self-esteem back on track!
*Not a literal goat, you pervert! That’s just what we call my cousin.
Filed under Poems
If I became God
The first thing I’d do
Was teach when to ask “whom”
And when not to use “who.”
Hint: If you would say “her” or “him,” use whom… The word of the lord 😉
Filed under Poems
My sex life is like a game of bridge,
And I don’t mean bland:
I don’t need a partner
‘Cause I have an awesome hand.
Filed under Poems
People on the street
Waving Confederate flags
Say “You lost, move on.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 