Tag Archives: Relationships

Stay

You’ve gotta go

To go see a show

That a small town like me can’t provide.

You’ve dreamed of a start

That’s a lifetime apart

From how I make you feel inside.

Your castle awaits

Where a panel of fates

Wants to hear of your fall fashion line.

I’ll help with your coat

And row over the moat

All while insisting I’m fine.

When you came along

And we started our song

We both knew one day it would end.

I dreamed of five-one

But you dreamed of more fun

So I tell people you’re just a friend.

I hope your sunsets

Are as good as it gets

And your kingdom will kneel and bow

While at the same time

It feels like a crime

That I want to say “stay” anyhow.

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An Odd Relationship

Wicked kitty cat…

You bite me and make me bleed!

Wanna snuggle now?

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I Asked My Fiance To Write The Odd-Numbered Lines And I’d Handle The Rhyming…

Fan.

Man.

TV.

Stevie.

Watch.

Crotch.

Orange.

Yeah… this is what I signed up for

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On The Virtue Of Realistic Standards

What is a horse other than a unicorn

That doesn’t have a shiny horn

Or wings or pink hair or magical power

And never, ever takes a shower?

So why would you ever want a horse

When a unicorn is better with no recourse?

The answer, dear reader, in case you are stumped

Is precisely why even Tom Brady gets dumped.

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The Butterfly Effect

There comes a time in every man’s life

Where he is trapped with his female kin

And there’s crying and talking and crafting galore

And he’s trying his best to fit in

But after an hour of trying to talk

And solve problems, he has an epiphany:

His life as he knows it is over because

He hit on a waitress named Tiffany…

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Father’s Day

Happy day to all the dads

Who once were childless as lads

And then got up to laddish things

‘Til onto Earth a baby springs.

Then they spend their waking hours

Changing diapers, buying flowers,

Playing dolls or playing truck

Depending on genetic luck.

As they age, the hair up here

Says “Nope, now I’ll grow out your ear.”

He buys cars for his offspring who

Repay him with a new tie. Whoo!

These things and more, both good and bad

Are part of what makes man a dad

But it is love, not merely fate,

That makes a dad we celebrate.

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Ladies, Learn To Reboot A Router

If your husband is pooping

And taking his time

So that hours have passed

And the scent is a crime

There’s no need to bother

With a knock or a shout;

His business will finish

When the Wifi goes out.

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Requires At Least 18 Years Of Continuous Experience In This Gender

We’ve finally reached the fated day

Where your date presents a resume

And you have to ask her in detail

About the gap in her experience as a female

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She Played Another Game With Me…

Her epic trapper spidey

Killed my supersonic bat-dragon.

Apparently the divorce is off

And we’re back to love and naggin’!

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And You Thought Monopoly Ruined Friendships…

My magic thunder doggy

Killed my fiancee’s fairy horse.

Yes, she played Pokemon with me.

Yes, we’re headed for divorce.

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