I awoke with crack and a groan
In a house where I live on my own.
I ate soup from a can
‘Cause I’m an old man
And I still use a rotary phone.
Tag Archives: Short
How To Become Student Body President In 2024
The homework problem said:
“What is the natural log of 4?”
I said “I was raised a middle-class kid, and I’m the only person on the debate stage tonight who has a plan to lift up the middle class and working people of America.”
Apparently, I got a perfect score.
Filed under Poems
Of All The Laws That Could Backfire Magnificently, THAT’S Where You Draw The Line?
So memes are illegal in California
And guns are illegal in cities
And being illegal is totally legal
And we still haven’t freed the titties?
Filed under Poems
Cletus Prepares For Hurricane Charlene
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer…
The weather is dicey
But plywood is pricey
Thus ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall!
Filed under Poems
Port-au-Prince Palace Anyone?
We’ve talked about Chinese food
Being cats for many a year
And I have to ask if Haitians
Are missing a franchise opportunity here…
Filed under Poems
Week 1
Our beloved Seahawks from Seattle
Began yet another sports battle.
They sucked for a while
But left with a smile
‘Cause the Broncos looked more like the Cattle.
Filed under Poems
But You Get A Cool T-Shirt! (Or Why I Stopped Worrying And Ran A 5K)
Somehow we went from running
To avoid becoming a meal
To paying $50 to run
To express the way we feel.
Filed under Poems
Seriously, Why Can’t We Just Have Attractive White People Starring In Original Stories With No Agenda?
There once wasn’t a modern crowd
Compelled to cheer out loud
For a diversity quota,
Caring even one iota
That the princess was now unibrowed.
Filed under Poems
An Introverted Friend Indeed…
Motivation is a friend
Who sets an inspiring tone
And would be a mighty ally
If they’d just pick up their phone…
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 