If you’re ever feeling lonely
Go to the store and buy a melon
Then drive to your local prison
And give your purchase to a felon.
Criminals love melons…
Seedy fruit for seedy guys.
Also, you’re no longer lonely
And, perhaps, you may be wise.
Tag Archives: Silly
Duolingo
I may not be bilingual
And my accent might be bad
When I speak a foreign language
With the lessons that I’ve had.
Still I claim that I speak Turkish
On my resume at work;
I can say “My owl is well-tempered
“But my bobcat is a jerk”.
Filed under Poems
I Feel Like There’s A Word For This…
Do you ever just feel exhausted,
Like you’re sleepwalking while horizontal
But instead of moving around
You sit in a weary font, dull?
And then you’re so tired your mind drifts
And you hallucinate vividly for an hour
And then find yourself in the morning
And you’re rested? That’s my super power!
Filed under Poems
Nah Boss, I Just Copied And Pasted The DNA From Some Frogs. What Could Go Wrong?
Dinosaurs are cool but not that useful.
Jobs are necessary but lame.
Thus I conclude that paleontologists
Play a very confusing game.
Filed under Poems
HR Strikes Again
Barbecue at work.
Brought wieners and hot fresh buns.
Now I’m unemployed.
Filed under Poems
Another Reason Not To Trust Rhyming Dictionaries
I think if I were an animal
I’d be a sea anemone
Because they’re not a popular animal
And I like to be left alone.
Filed under Poems
Pokemon In A Nutshell
Fire doesn’t like water
And water doesn’t like grass
And grass doesn’t like bugs
Because bugs are a pain in the ass.
Bugs don’t like rocks
And rocks don’t like fighting
And fighting is afraid of psychics
Because they say the right thing.
Psychics don’t like ghosts
And ghosts don’t like the dark
And darkness hates fairies
Because they hang out in the park.
Fairies don’t like poison
And poison hates the ground
And ground does not like ice
Nor the British sterling pound.
Ice, of course, hates fire
And there are dragons in here too.
Normal stuff hates getting punched.
See, it’s super simple! Whoo!
Filed under Poems
Maybe It’s Not A Race Thing… It’s A Kidnapping A Princess Thing
There once was a dragon named Fred
Who didn’t want to end up dead,
So he went to the vet
And said “I’m a pet”
And now he is loved and well fed.
Filed under Poems
I Feel Like This Will Age Well…
Today was a Monday.
It wasn’t a fun day,
Nor was it remarkably fateful.
Today was a Monday.
Now it’s a done day.
And for that I am certainly grateful.
Filed under Poems
The Future Is Now
There once was an AI named Jill
Who had a most marvelous skill:
She could click every bus
So as not to seem sus
Before going back in time for the kill.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 