Do you ever just feel exhausted,
Like you’re sleepwalking while horizontal
But instead of moving around
You sit in a weary font, dull?
And then you’re so tired your mind drifts
And you hallucinate vividly for an hour
And then find yourself in the morning
And you’re rested? That’s my super power!
Filed under Poems
Dinosaurs are cool but not that useful.
Jobs are necessary but lame.
Thus I conclude that paleontologists
Play a very confusing game.
Filed under Poems
Barbecue at work.
Brought wieners and hot fresh buns.
Now I’m unemployed.
Filed under Poems
I think if I were an animal
I’d be a sea anemone
Because they’re not a popular animal
And I like to be left alone.
Filed under Poems
Fire doesn’t like water
And water doesn’t like grass
And grass doesn’t like bugs
Because bugs are a pain in the ass.
Bugs don’t like rocks
And rocks don’t like fighting
And fighting is afraid of psychics
Because they say the right thing.
Psychics don’t like ghosts
And ghosts don’t like the dark
And darkness hates fairies
Because they hang out in the park.
Fairies don’t like poison
And poison hates the ground
And ground does not like ice
Nor the British sterling pound.
Ice, of course, hates fire
And there are dragons in here too.
Normal stuff hates getting punched.
See, it’s super simple! Whoo!
Filed under Poems
There once was a dragon named Fred
Who didn’t want to end up dead,
So he went to the vet
And said “I’m a pet”
And now he is loved and well fed.
Filed under Poems
Today was a Monday.
It wasn’t a fun day,
Nor was it remarkably fateful.
Today was a Monday.
Now it’s a done day.
And for that I am certainly grateful.
Filed under Poems
There once was an AI named Jill
Who had a most marvelous skill:
She could click every bus
So as not to seem sus
Before going back in time for the kill.
Filed under Poems
I don’t believe in giving the government
Unlimited power to spend
Because what if they give
Drum sets to all who live?
See how badly all this could end?
Filed under Poems
The capital of Alaska
In the Southeast of the state
Is a street where jewelry stores abound
And shirt shops congregate.
We visited a gold mine
That closed in ‘44
‘Cause everyone’s favorite Austrian
Got the miners sent to war.
We panned for gold, discovering
A treasure to hold dear:
That we’d have died if we’d been born
In a gold rush type of year.
On every side were waterfalls
And the sun was warm and high.
Overall a decent town
Provided it’s July.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 