I am getting sleepy
And I open wide to yawn,
Then I march into my bedroom
And put plate armor on.
My chainmail hugs me tightly
And I fall into a heap…
This is what I have to do
To get a good knight’s sleep.
Tag Archives: Silly
When Dad Talks To Your Friends
Tubing is rad
And, like, what’s up my homies?
I like Minecraft and pickles
And my sister’s a bronie.
I got shizzle for days
And my swag is so tight…
Wait, what do you mean
I’m not saying it right?
Filed under Poems
Aztec Millennials
Two cannibals awoke on Sunday
And went for brunch at a cafe.
One said “I’ve got a hunch
“That the real brunch
“Is the friends we’ll meet along the way.”
Filed under Poems
Why Even Numbers Are Boring
One is the loneliest number
And two can be as bad as one
Three is a crowd
Four is twice as bad as one
Five has no particular qualities
Six is three times as bad as one…
Filed under Poems
Really Though… I Would Love To See More Movies Dubbed With Animal Noises
I wonder if animals watching TV
Think every show is just a human Lassie:
“Oh look! A talking human is saving the day.
“It makes its funny noises and everything is ok.”
Filed under Poems
Ye Olde Thug Lyfe
If I were a rapper I’d write some sick rhymes
About crimes and hard times and increasingly warm climes
But instead I’m a blogger and I’m writing these verses
Without curses so my readers won’t go out and steal purses.
Instead of glorifying living as a thug out on the street
I’m all for the institution’s safe and sanctioned meet-and-greet
And if you thinkin’ I’m a sellout I’ll correct you: If you think
Anything I’ve written here‘s worth paying for… go get a shrink.
Greenbacks aren’t a flowing to this blogger’s cargo pockets
Like they do for Tommy Cruise or to that baller Tyler Lockett’s
But I’m rewarded with a gift that no celebrity gets:
I can wear sweat pants to Costco and no one gives two shits!
Filed under Poems
1st Graders And I Have This In Common
Haikus are very
Very very very ver
Y easy to write
Filed under Poems
Geolo-Gee Whiz!
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery
But I’m not sure about that though;
In my opinion, the highest form of flattery
Would have to be a plateau.
Filed under Poems
But Hey, Four Rhymes!
As the sun sets in the evening
And the frogs croak merrily
I sit upon a bed and write
A poem, verily.
When read aloud it would be best
To speak most airily
For the effort I put in could be
Described as “barely”.
Filed under Poems
Peace Talks
Bumblebee, bumblebee, why do you fly
When life would be better
If you would just die?
Human, human, why do you hate
When you eat the plants
That we bees pollenate?
Bumblebee, bumblebee, sure you’re ok
In a creepy bumbley
Bug sort of way.
Human, human, we’re both Earth’s daughter
Wait, why do your hands
Hold aloft that fly swatter?
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 