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Tag Archives: Stupid
All I Need Is A $250-Million Government Grant
I want to start a charity
Where blind and deaf people come
And I describe to them how food tastes
‘Cause I’m hungry and I’m dumb.
Filed under Poems
But They’re So Big!
I think if we sold ostrich eggs
Instead of chicken eggs, we’d find
That what I think’s a good idea
Is not what anyone else had in mind.
Filed under Poems
My First Sponsor!
Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:
PIDD!
PIDD! (or Performance Inhibiting Drug Drink) has been taking the world by storm (consensually, of course). Inspired by brands like Disney, Bud Light, and OceanGate, PIDD! is sinking its teeth into all the things that once made you happy like:
The NBA (Nubile Boys of America)
MMA (Male Maidens Association)
UPS (Un-Penissing Service)
UN (United Nations)
And many more!
PIDD! is the only soft drink that makes you softer in both body and mind. It helped Lia Thomas become the first man to win the NCAA women’s 500m freestyle, helped Caitlyn Jenner become Glamour Magazine’s first male Woman of the Year, and now it can help your children become anything we want them to be!
So just like Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and the other heroes of your childhood, crack open a can of PIDD! (or pour a lukewarm glass of inner-city tap water) and let’s toast a future where men don’t have to stay that way.
See Also: “See”, “Sea”, “C”, “Si”…
If I could have dinner with anyone
From any point in history
I would choose the guy who decided
How to spell the animal “Bee”.
Filed under Poems
How About A Good Humbling?
I sorta hope the next disease
That brings the whole world to its knees
Can break the part of DNA’s lock
That makes “important” people talk.
Filed under Poems
Is Giving Them The Finger Still Rude If They’re Missing One?
A bunch of years ago we said
“Hey King, screw your royal head”
And dumped a hunch of tea into
A bay to say “Bugger off to you.”
Now I think that united spirit
Should say to those who care to hear it
“You’re free to use 2:00 AM fireworks
“But if you do you’re also jerks.”
Filed under Poems
Megachurches Be Like…
Here is the church,
There is the steeple.
Open the doors
And see all the people
Saying “Look at that steeple!
“What a dope church!
“Now let’s get some coffee
“And buy Jesus merch!”
Filed under Poems
Maybe Poverty Is Good?
A week ago five billionaires
Paid half a million each
To sink into the ocean
To within Titanic‘s reach.
Today, a billionaire put up
For sale a chance to fly
Into space, which makes my face
Nonverbally scream “Why?”
Filed under Poems
Nauti Nauti…
The wealthy paid a submarine
To view the ocean bottom
Whereat the wreck of Titanic was seen
Until the ocean caught ‘em.
Now missing, they have headlines made
Of a voyage doomed to fail
Though I see not a tragedy
But wish more elites might sail.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 