Tag Archives: Stupid

Sonnet For The Digital Age

That we who have become so enlightened

To place a mind into machines would first

Use this power (of which we should be frightened)

To animate naked people is cursed.

We’ve woven tales: losing jobs to robots

And our humanity to gigabytes,

Thinking humans will become the have-nots

And electricity will off our lights.

But in creating technical wonder

We have revealed a deeper part of us:

Our minds divert from the wealthy’s plunder

To the size of robo-ladies cy-busts.

Artificial intelligence kills not:

Instead, it lets us chase electric thot.

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It’s Like “Plop” And I Just Met My Weight-Loss Goal

Sure, falling in love is satisfying

But have you ever had a poop where you thought

Everything in life was good again?

Apparently the music business has not.

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The Masculine Dilemma

I could pay money every month

To have access to a gym

Where I lift heavy objects

To feel pain within my limb

And when the lifting’s over

I can climb or bike or run

On a machine that makes it possible

To never feel done

Then I can take my clothes off

In a public locker room

And eat vegetables for breakfast…

Or I can stay home and play Doom.

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My Community College Application Essay

“He who thinks great thoughts

“Often makes great errors”.

That’s a quote from Martin Heidegger.

I don’t think great thoughts

And I also make great errors…

That’s a quote from me. Also, Flydeigger.

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I May Not Have Love, But My Mattress Full Of Money Keeps Me Warm At Night

If you’re having trouble with a breakup,

Feeling glum, and lacking sex

Just remember Elon Musk bought Twitter,

Flipped the bird, and called it his “X”.

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…And The Young Female Offspring Is Called A Doelet

You remember that one guy in high school

Who really, REALLY, loved to talk

About how chinchillas reproduce

And the unpublished music of Bach

And no matter how incorrect he was

Or how bored you happened to be?

That guy is every political discussion

In 2023.

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1st Graders And I Have This In Common

Haikus are very

Very very very ver

Y easy to write

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All I Need Is A $250-Million Government Grant

I want to start a charity

Where blind and deaf people come

And I describe to them how food tastes

‘Cause I’m hungry and I’m dumb.

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But They’re So Big!

I think if we sold ostrich eggs

Instead of chicken eggs, we’d find

That what I think’s a good idea

Is not what anyone else had in mind.

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My First Sponsor!

Dear readers, it gives me great Pride(tm) that my blog, a long-time proponent of mediocrity in all forms, has chosen to partner with America’s favorite soft drink:

PIDD!

PIDD! (or Performance Inhibiting Drug Drink) has been taking the world by storm (consensually, of course). Inspired by brands like Disney, Bud Light, and OceanGate, PIDD! is sinking its teeth into all the things that once made you happy like:

The NBA (Nubile Boys of America)

MMA (Male Maidens Association)

UPS (Un-Penissing Service)

UN (United Nations)

And many more!

PIDD! is the only soft drink that makes you softer in both body and mind. It helped Lia Thomas become the first man to win the NCAA women’s 500m freestyle, helped Caitlyn Jenner become Glamour Magazine’s first male Woman of the Year, and now it can help your children become anything we want them to be!

So just like Luke Skywalker, Indiana Jones, James Bond, and the other heroes of your childhood, crack open a can of PIDD! (or pour a lukewarm glass of inner-city tap water) and let’s toast a future where men don’t have to stay that way.

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