I’m sitting here in the airport
Listening to celebrities giving PSA’s
And I’m wondering which is more painful:
Selling out that much
Or that my taxes paid for them.
Tag Archives: Stupid
This Is (Insert B-List Celebrity Here) Reminding You That Good People Don’t Bomb Each Other
Filed under Poems
Today’s White House News
Today a man who made himself
And all his staff exempt
From being vaccinated
Most audaciously has dreamt
That those who didn’t get a shot
That doesn’t stop the spread
Are somehow the ones responsible
That twelve more folks are dead.
Filed under Poems
Women Will Change You
There once was a man named Beyoncé
Who wanted to have a fiancee
But the girls were all like
“Why’s your name not like ‘Mike?’”
Now he goes by his middle name: Chauncey.
Filed under Poems
Okay Zoomer
In the future, little kids
Will visit their Grandma’s houses
And bring along 3D-printed candy
And all four of their spouses
And in between rounds of “Doom 35”
Grandma will tell the tale
Of how when she was a little boy
It was hip to say “epic fail.”
Filed under Poems
Middle Class White People
Today I drove home on a road full of cracks
Past a tent city filled with the needy
To hear how the state gave 85 billion
To terrorists, but somehow I’m greedy?
Filed under Poems
Excuses, Excuses (Published August 20th Wink wink yay time zones)
Tonight I went to Alaska
In my imagination
For a very lively
Nine-minute vacation.
The reason that I took
Was to say that it’s alright
And my daily streak’s unbroken
Thanks to an imaginary flight.
Filed under Poems
The Nasty Aftertastes Of Society That Won’t Go Away
I feel like at this point
Most people would agree the
Invention of social media
Was a really bad idea,
While at the same time saying
“We can do nothing about it”
And most of those agree
That they could not live without it.
The same has gone for junk food,
Fancy coffee, cigarettes:
We consume them faster
Than we process our regrets.
I look forward to the day
When we look at that list
And add the important footnote
That governments shouldn’t exist.
Filed under Poems
[Title Redacted]
There once was a poet-slash-spy
Who was quite the mysterious guy.
He’d write the last thing he’d think
In invisible ink
.
Filed under Poems
Near-Death Experiences
I wonder if goats
Ever look at ghosts
And think
“If not for bad spelling
“That could have been us…”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 