I saw horses running
With humans on their backs.
I said, “Now there’s an animal
“We’ve not made into snacks.
“They’re gorgeous and majestic
“And possess a lightning speed,”
But the one kid eating glue
Silently disagreed.
Tag Archives: Stupid
Hey Batter Batter…
I’m my softball league’s head chef;
For optimal nutrition
I like to make a Bundt cake
To get guys in a scoring position.
Filed under Poems
Next Week: Child Puts “Mean People Suck” Bumper Sticker On Car, Wins Nobel Prize For Literature
It’s nice to know
In this day and age
Time Magazine will
Give you the front page
And give you the title
“Person of the year”
For being perturbed
Where rich people can hear.
Filed under Poems
Distressed Jeans of History, Vol. 1
An Ancient Greek found trousers
With holes torn in the knees.
He held them up for passers-by
Asking, “Euripides?”
Filed under Poems
Aye Aye, I! I Eye i^i Eyes, I Eye i^i “Aye Ayes,” and I Eye I’s i^i Eyes Eyeing i^i i^is With I’s i^i “Aye Aye” Eyes, Aye. I?
English is funny; Take the word “ship”
Which can mean a variety of things…
It can mean a big boat
That can carry other boats
Or other miscellaneous bling.
Therefore a ship who ships cargo
(Oh yeah, ship is also a verb)
Can ship ships as its cargo
(Or so is said as a ship-shipping blurb).
“Ship” can also be used
To describe imaginary romance
Where two hypothetical characters
Want to get in one-another’s pants.
In this sense, the word shipping
Is creating the romantic “ship,”
But could also mean that you think
The prospect of shipping is hip.
So if you like to like the idea
Of a romantic relationship between
A cargo delivery vehicle who delivers ships
Falling in love with a similar machine
You ship shipping ship-shipping ships shipping ship-shipping ships,
And that is grammatically correct.
Yes indeed, English is funny
But deserves at least grudging respect.
Filed under Poems
When All The Good Men Are 5’11”
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 10
She’ll happily be his Barbie
And he will be her Ken.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes 20
She will call him Sugarplum
And he will call her Honey.
If a man makes 40k
And his girl makes thirty
You can guarantee that they’ll
Be eager to talk dirty.
If a man makes 40k
And she makes 41
Shame on her for dating down!
Their relationship is done.
Filed under Poems
The American Way
You haven’t thought of pickles today
And you haven’t jumped a rope.
You haven’t kissed an armadillo
And you’ll never be the pope.
Your eyes aren’t orange like cinnamon
And you have a tooth smaller than your knee,
But if we voted for a different guy
You’ll probably disagree.
Filed under Poems
Math Meets Meth
They said “Name every number.”
I said “Paul.”
They couldn’t refute my argument
And, thus, that was all.
Filed under Poems
You Scream, I Scream, We All Scream Because Of Them…
Some folks like chocolate ice creams,
Some folks prefer vanillas,
And some folks don’t like ice creams at all
Because they’re serial killas.
Filed under Poems
Brown-Eyed Girl [With Non-Violent Lyrics To Accommodate All Genders, Eye Colors, Geographic Locations, Ability Levels…]
Hey, where did we go
Days when the [weather happened]?
[Over] in the hollow
Playin’ a [mutually enjoyed] game.
Laughin’ and [a-movin’,] hey hey
[Via our unspecified motor abilities]
In the [typical morning environmental conditions] with
Our hearts a-[operating energetically’,] and you
My [human with eyes].
You’re [a strong, independent person with eyes].
And whatever happened
To Tuesday and so [relaxed]
Going down the [honored legacy repository location] with a
[Non gender-specific sibling audio device]?
[Present] in the [environment]! [self-expressin’]
Hidin’ behind a rainbow’s [vertical barrier]
Slippin’ and a-slidin’
All along the [local water feature] with you
My [individual with eyes].
You’re [a self-actualizing homo-sapien sapien with eyes].
Do you remember when
we used to [communicate]
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da
(just like that)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da
La te da
So [challenging] to find my way
Now that I’m [pursuing self-defined success independently]
I [encountered] you just the other day
My, how you have [altered aspects of yourself without diminishing their quality]
Cast my memory back there, [authority figure]?
Sometimes I’m [very impressed] thinkin’ ’bout
[Consensual intimacy] in the green grass
Behind the [culture-neutral building] with you
My [specimin with eyes].
You’re [an entity possessing human shape platonically correlated with me, and you have eyes].
[Don’t be ashamed if you can’t, or choose not to ] remember when
we used to [extemporate]
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da ([existin’] in the [local foliage]!)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da (bit by, bit by, bit by, bit by, bit
by, bit)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da (sha la la la la, la la la la, la te
da, la te da, la te da, da da da)
Sha la la, la la, la la, la la, l-la te da…
Filed under Lyrics
The Daily Travesty 