Tag Archives: Stupid

Ode To An English Major

In a dreary campus sat

Poor I, a poet, much perturbed

For I was realizing that

My odds of passing were disturbed.

Th’examination that I took

Was one on poetry, so I

Did not much study from my book

But sat the test, my brain still dry.

Yes, I could name poetic styles

Sonnet, Sestina, Villanelle.

I blacked out bubbles, full of smiles,

‘Til did important topics knell.

I can distinguish couplet forms

Iamb, Trochee, and Anapest.

Easily I fought these questions swarmed

But failed at what mattered best:

A final question on the page

The exam’s author failed to anoint

And my lack of answer caused me rage.

The question: “What’s the fucking point?”

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P. Diddy? More Like R. Chaic! (Gregorian Ba Dum Tss)

I suspect between 476-1450 AD

The pedophiles cried and raged

Because even the youngest of children

Were all still middle aged.

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Why Aren’t Billionaires Doing This?

When I get rich, I want to buy

All the ads for my favorite shows

And just put a 3-second picture up

To make sure everyone knows

That the reason you don’t have to watch

A billion stupid ads

Is because I’m rich and I think they suck

So enjoy the bandwidth, lads!

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Chief Energizer Officer Sought For Fast-Paced Executive Opportunity

We’re hiring for a guinea pig

To work for forty hours

Making coffee for the mucky-mucks

With offices in towers.

The role pays $20k a year

So let’s post the job. Maybe

We’ll say that it pays 50k

And needs a master’s degree!

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Off The Grid

The government is playing Yahtzee

Except instead of rolling dice

They get to place the dice face-up

However they think is nice.

Meanwhile, they make us roll our dice

And tell them what we rolled

Even though they already watched us

And take half our score ‘til we fold.

Playing Yahtzee with the government

Is not a whole lot of fun

So that’s why I want to go live in the woods

With my wife, my dog, and my gun.

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I Wrote The First Line… But I Ain’t No Quitter

There once was a form called the FAFSA

Which asked for my tax info. Laughs, ya?

Then my wife had to say

That yes, I did pay,

All to get zero money. That’s a gaffe-sa!

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Technology? Up! Art? Ummmm… I’m Probably Not Qualified To Judge, But…

A lot of people are amazed

How in one hundred years

We went from riding horses

To the moon and diet beers.

What I find less impressive

Is that in that same epoch

We went from the Statue of David

To “Is this bedazzled pineapple a joke?”

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That Guy In Front Of You’s Philosophy

Red light? Stop!

Green light? Go!

Yellow light? Apparently

That one means “drive real slow”.

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Shoulda Sat?

Lonely toilet, late at night.

I don’t need no stinkin’ light.

Wait? Why don’t I hear a splash?

Oops! Guess that bowl was the trash.

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Crossfit

There once was a marketing guy

Who was looking for what you should buy.

There was a gym with some rope

And he said “It’d be dope

“If we whip those around. Don’t ask why.”

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