There once was an admiral poll
That asked “how to meet our recruiting goal”
Options one was “Raise pay”
Option two was “Be gay”
And the navy said “‘Kay queens, let’s roll”
Tag Archives: Travesty
I’d Take JarJar Binks At This Point
Obi-Wan Kenobi is our only hope
But will he run for president?
Another year of “nope”.
Filed under Poems
PG-All Ages
Sometimes the things you grew up with
Can make you feel good
Like riding bikes and Pokemon
And being misunderstood
But when you grow, perspectives change
And you see a world in pain
And it can’t be changed by touching base
Or building the best paper plane.
You see a world with real struggles
And problems with no answer
And you decide to try something
Like curing AIDS or cancer.
But as perspectives change, I think
Some problems would be solved
If more people bought a new five-speed
Or cared how monsters were evolved.
Growing up is nice and all
But never you forget
The world needs childish grownups too
For poetry and… stuff.
Filed under Poems
Another Night Of D&D
There once was a skeezy Paladin,
A sly assassin, a cheesy bard,
A moon priestess, an archer,
And they rolled the dice real hard.
They stopped a civil war of trolls
And saved a duke from bombs of magic
And they lived happily ever after
(Which is the opposite of tragic).
Filed under Poems
Island’ed On Another Pun
One time I went to Hawaii
And I let out a heavy sighii
‘Cause it’s very hot in paradise
And aloha temperature would be nice.
Filed under Poems
After A While, You Take What Puns You Can Get
There once was a plant from Japan
That had varicose veins and went snap. An
Evening I glanced it
And it unzipped my pants. It
Turns out it was a veinous fly trap.
Filed under Poems
A Blessing In Disguise?
If I had a nickel
For every time I’ve wanted a nickel
I’d have enough to buy
At least one delicious pickle.
If I had a dollar
For every time I’ve wanted a dollar
I’d be so buried in delicious pickles
No one would hear me holler.
Filed under Poems
Let’s Go Avs!
My girl said “[Name]
“You can watch the game.”
Now I’m watching men skate
And good poems can wait.
Filed under Poems
‘Merica Loves The Draft
Today’s the day that giant men
Who some describe as “ballers”
Get called by teams of athletes
To play games for millions of dollars
And older guys who used to play
And that one blonde chick enumerate
The reason why that particular guy
Will make their newfound team great.
Meanwhile, men who’re five-foot-two
But also weigh 300 pounds
Sit in bars and pound their chests
And buy each other rounds.
And somehow through the fog
Of testosterone and concealed erections
This moment matters more to most
Than national elections.
Filed under Poems
Within Every Girl Is A Great Power, Waiting For These Words To Be Unleashed…
In animated TV shows
A girl will find a magic thing
And say a word like “Fairy glows”
And the world around her blooms and sings
And rainbows fly around her while
Her outfit morphs, her hair grows long,
And she becomes “Power Angel Smile”,
As beautiful as she is strong.
Armed with justice, power, and grace
She slays all who her oppose.
Who can stop her and erase
Her magic power? No one knows!
If you would see this transformation
And a woman gain this deadly crown
Just say “Babe, for your information
“You’re overreacting. Just calm down.”
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 