I remember when beer was manly
And women played women’s sports
And the internet had telephone cords
And kids went outside to build forts…
When a penny bought a tootsie roll
And a handshake was a deal
But nowhere in my memory
Were the politicians real.
Filed under Poems
Doggie cuddle
In a puddle;
Heart and muzzle
Under the stars.
Kitty snuggle
Is a struggle;
With every nuzzle
A few more scars.
If at first you fail
And get your ass sent to jail
Then I sincerely hope
You use only liquid soap.
Filed under Poems
The was a Virginian from Idaho
Who brought from Alaska a pile of snow.
Iowa him a debt
Hawaii’ll pay? Don’t know yet
I’m Missouri-able, and might flee to Mexico.
Filed under Poems
I showed up to a young singles event
In plate armor head-to-toe,
But the organizers said I looked Middle Aged
And so I had to go.
Filed under Poems
Life’s like an Oreo cookie:
The start and the end are both crappy
But the more stuff you put in the middle
The more likely you are to be happy!
Filed under Poems
“Short people might not play basketball
But that doesn’t mean that they cannot.“
That was the reasoning cited
For making the Kool-Aid man an astronaut.
Filed under Poems
There once was a millionaire socialite
Who liked to dress up and fight crime at night.
First he’d battle a villain
Then go home and be chillin’
And so far he’s exclusively white.
Filed under Poems
Once, a president under duress
Confessed to a great deal of stress.
‘Twas beyond his reach
To deliver a speech
So he gave out an email address.
—————————————————————
There was a political genius
Who possessed such a marvelous keenness.
He’d be more beloved, except
His PR was inept
On the point of interns and his penius.
Filed under Poems
Whose milkshake is that? I think I know.
Its owner is quite happy though.
Full of joy like a vivid rainbow,
I watch her laugh. I cry hello.
She gives her milkshake a shake,
And laughs until her belly aches.
The only other sound’s the break,
Of distant waves and birds awake.
The milkshake is sweet, cold and deep,
But she has promises to keep,
After cake and lots of sleep.
Sweet dreams come to her cheap.
She rises from her gentle bed,
With thoughts of kittens in her head,
She eats her jam with lots of bread.
Ready for the day ahead.
Filed under Poems
The Daily Travesty 